deviousways

If you give in each time, you're perceived as a "soft touch". If you don't, you're a hard-nosed bitch. That's the thing about money and maids. But what do you do when the new domestic help asks for a loan? And then quickly terms it an "advance" on her next salary? That's what my cook did today. She's been with us for less than five weeks now. In which time, she has been erratic and turns up at various times. She has also not been totally honest--when she started, she had promised to be home by 11.30 am. So that my little boy can have his lunch by 1 pm. (Before we hired her, I was doing the housework and cooking and running to pick him up from school/ferrying him to fitness classes. Basically, I barely had time for my freelance assignments or even, to sit down and catch my breath). But our cook actually turns up now between 1 p.m and 1.30 pm. Because she never told me she had a prior commitment. When she's fell ill this month, I insi...

So an out-of-town cop beat up his daughter in public, over an alleged affair.  People, including the girl's own mother, stood by and watched. I am sure the mother was distraught. But she did nothing. Two women passersby (may their tribe increase!) came to the girl's rescue and called the local cops. But in the end, the daughter failed to file a complaint. No surprises there. Perhaps the daughter is used to this kind of behaviour. Perhaps the mother gets beaten up too, back in their hometown. Perhaps both mom and daughter are conditioned to expect this abuse from the husband/father. Perhaps the daughter will go on to marry a man who will beat her up too. And if she has a daughter, than that girl too will grow up thinking this is normal. And the cycle of abuse will continue. Who is to blame? The mother for doing nothing. Mind you, she is a teacher. The bystanders for doing nothing. (Someone even took photographs. I wonder if someone else took a video on his/her s...

Well, that was my original title for this piece that was published in The Hindu Sunday Magazine in December 2014 :) What does it take to embrace your grey hair in an age when selfies reign supreme, where brunch is often a botox break and dress size is as much a status symbol as an Hermès Birkin? A growing tribe of women--in their 30s, 40s and 50s, all confident and yes, succesful at what they do, show you can scoff at this collective obsession with superficiality. And make going grey, a matter of pride. Binaifer Bharucha (36) in fact, recently proved greys can be downright glamorous too. The freelance photographer from Mumbai is one of five women appearing in the April 2014 issue of Elle India fashion magazine in a photo feature celebrating grey hair. Bharucha started greying in school.  “Now it is a part of my personality. I have short hair, so it looks pretty funky and individualistic. Total strangers often ask why I look young and still have so much grey hair,” she laughed. R...

How to forgive, forget and, live a freer life What does it take to let go of prejudices, pressures or personal loss? How do you break free of bitterness for better things? And would you rather risk all, or rest on your laurels? Well if you haven't yet, start now, because forgiving those who hurt you and freeing yourself from fears or flawed feelings, can leave you healthier, happier. What you need to do is learn how to forgive, move on and grow on. But first, how do you learn to forgive? Dr Fred Luskin, a Senior Consultant in Health Promotion at Stanford University and a Professor at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, is the go-to man for that. Dr Luskin is globally acclaimed for his work as the Director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects--an ongoing series of workshops and research projects that investigate the effectiveness of his forgiveness methods on a variety of populations. According to Dr Luskin, very few people actually choose to forgive when people hurt them...

Last night, big man and I stayed up till 3 am to watch the Argentina-Netherlands football match. And before we slept, he and I had a brief conversation. "Let him bunk school," said he. "No, I don't want him to miss school, when he is perfectly well and able," insisted me. Naturally, I woke up to regret that. Got out of bed fuzzy, woolly-headed and utterly disoriented. But also filled with what-a-worthy-mom-am-I pride. I'd had barely three hours of sleep, after all. And there I was doing my best to ensure that my child went to school well-fed, healthy and on time. What an amazing parent I was being, I told myself. Then sitting in the loo, trying to shake the cloudiness from my head, I hear a tinny voice reciting numbers. It's Ayush, our security man Naveen Bahadur's four-year-old. Naveen, his wife Nirmala, Ayush and their new baby boy live in a room in our building basement. And since our flat is a ground floor one, we hear practically everythin...