deviousways

Really, I don't mind you humming as I walk past Do it loudly enough. Show me you've got the guts. Don't sidle by if I turn to look. Being appreciative is okay in my book. Except, you're not well-intentioned, are you? For I'm just a body To be leched at Who cares if I'm someone's wife Daughter, or mother? It's not like you're a hormonal teen Struggling with too much testosterone You look to be in your late-forties. So you're someone's dad, And a woman's husband. A woman like me. But there, standing with your chums I feel you look me up and down I hear you snigger to your pals. And yet, you turn away, when I look at you. Crowds give you courage, I'm guessing. By yourself, there wouldn't be a whimper Would there? If a group of louts heckled and hissed at your daughter?

I nurse my grievances for ages I tend to it, water it And watch my resentment grow. Till, I explode in anger To leave fragments of hurt and pain Strewn around me. But children are not like that. I'd shouted and ranted at the little fellow yesterday. What did he do to deserve that? He made me drop a hot mug of tea. So of course, I was a monster for doing what I did.  But when I apologised to him later. He said, "That's okay". And promptly forgot about it. He moved on. What an amazing thing to do. Why can't we adults be like that? When did we lose this capacity to forgive?

I think I'm hooked. Totally and absolutely Booked. I've got it real bad And that's kinda sad. Shopping was never my thing It didn't give me a zing. Problem is, this is so easy Sounds darn cheesy. But when I spot a deal Half-price, what a steal! It's like I'm manic Some kind of panic. No time to ponder, or reflect Here goes nothing, what the heck! First I click on buy Then I go, oh my! For I've done it again Seen a sale, felt the pain Of being afflicted Totally addicted To shopping online Come rain or shine. So yeah, I'm hooked, Absolutely booked. I don't know what to do. How about you? ______________________

I feel the weather Through every pore.  When the sky is aflame with heat And the wind feels sore My skin thirsts moisture. This dryness saps strength Strips away happiness. And my body, like the earth is left bereft. Laid bare, as it were. But when the air is swollen The earth runs red With pouring rain Then joy blossoms deep within. Every sense tingles, Pulses with life Like the fertile earth. Our bodies are barometers Of the world around us. Yes, we fool ourselves With half-truths About our lives, Our changing planet. But our senses, like the earth, do not lie.

Does it excite you To see my back Undulate? Yes, I know it sways And that my breasts bounce When I walk. Yes, that leads you To make obscene sounds When I pass by. And when you have friends around You are bolder. There is safety in company, after all. You look at other women too Snigger, comment under your breath As they walk by. You reach out to grope, to humiliate. How degrading it must be To live the way you do. You don't see beyond the flesh. You don't care that we are Mother, daughter, sister, wife. More important, we are people Not just body parts. And yes, we own ourselves. Unlike you. Your actions do not diminish me. And while I can't stop you I can confront you or choose to ignore Your pathetic self. For you cannot stop what you are. Or what you do.

I didn't know it earlier, but I am a powerful woman. With these hands, I hug away tears Or make my little one cry. With my smile he knows I approve, that he's doing great. My frown says he's done something wrong. My anger worries him So much so he becomes skittish, tries to make me laugh.  When I shout at my husband, and he fights back When we trade harsh words, rather than blows, It still sears our souls and empties our hearts of happiness Then I know our little one is disturbed He looks at us, wide-eyed and anxious.  And invariably, he sleeps badly. I know now, that such power is a dangerous thing. If I'm upset or sad, or depressed or angry The negativity pours out of me To envelop everyone else. If I'm happy, and smiling My family is too. Yes, I am a powerful woman. And it scares the hell out of me.

There I was feeling phenomenal, thinking of Maya Angelou Striding along, I'd forgotten about the human zoo People staring, standing or just hanging around But that's the norm when you're at the park ground Why oh why do they stare so? Stripping me up and down What can a woman do, but ignore them or even, frown. Lascivious looks don't kill it's true And it's the norm at the human zoo  But I've watched helpless while a friend was groped And around us, life walked on, no one spoke She is scarred inside, this I know Because it's happened to me too, before. I've seen children by the roadside, answering nature's call As hungry mouths gathered at the chaat stall After all, no one cares really, not even me Life ebbs and flows, in this human sea. What's a woman to do, when she's on show Because the walk is now something more   In the great tamasha of life, played out parkside The human zoo becomes just a photo slide.

Stumbling out of bed in the dark I think to myself if this were Noah's Ark I'd have surely stubbed my little toe On that grubby wooden floor. As it is, walking sight unseen, I must confess My muscles are tight, my nerves a mess Is that the door and or that the bench? Ouch! I just stepped on his metal wrench.   Tip-toeing I go, knowing not where I step Did I wake him, I cannot help but fret The curtain's closed to the still light But there's a glow so pearly, what a sight. Waking up at dawn, this I love to do But not falling over assorted shoes Or stepping on scattered toys Left carelessly by our son, that incorrigible boy! Making it to the kitchen safely is a feat A steaming cuppa coffee is my early morning treat The aroma rising in that hour I cannot wait, to sip and savour But hark, what is this I hear? A sleepy cry, a voice so familiar Amma, he calls, Amma, come here. How does he do it without coming near? What is this sixth sense in chi...

Think I caught a bug Want to curl up in a rug To get warm and snug. And oh, for some hugs Coz, you see, I feel so ugh! Some days, things go blue Believe me, this is true. Head achy, hair askew Sigh, even a warm cuppa won't do. When you feel you have the flu.

Sitting in the auto I wondered, are my jeans fitted enough. Or should I lose an inch here, get more toned there? Then I heard a whizzing sound. A woman, ordinary enough, salwar-kameez clad. Torso upwards she was slightly pudgy. But it was her legs that made me instantly ashamed. Shrunken limbs hers were, completely and utterly wasted away. She whirred by me in an electric wheelchair. Looking neither right or left, but straight ahead. Sitting in my auto, bound by my own and society's conventions To look good, to stay young I wondered Is she really trapped, or am I?

She squatted by the roadside Shiny pink ruffles fluttering in the breeze. Horns blared, headlights glanced At her nakedness Indecent for being so impersonal. I looked away, unwilling to acknowledge Her vulnerability. The child's parents sell chaat. They have no time or money to waste. Just a living to make. So we walk past, eyes averted Or worse, watching her Because we can. She doesn't care, anyway. Here, the rich can be shameless The poor cannot afford shame.

I have my father's feet He has his. I have my father's skin.  Filter coffee, not much milk. He is honey gold and glowing A babe still. I am grown up, fully formed In my head. In my hates, likes, loves Dislikes, prejudices. I learnt from those around me, you see. He is learning too. He knows my moods Reads my emotions. Don't learn from me, my child. Stay innocent. For I fear I am too good a teacher.