tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20759001303281651962024-03-14T14:00:45.698+05:30deviouswaysSome facts, a little fiction and random facets of life....Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.comBlogger138125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-2915221713681529212021-08-10T11:24:00.002+05:302021-08-10T11:24:55.350+05:30Morning scenes<p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12pt;">The wind blustery</span></p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Skies grey blue<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A light so muted<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Birds are quiet too<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">We walkers go <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Sidestepping<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Couple-dancing<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">No touching<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Looking or meeting <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Glances…Oh no!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Masks dangling<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">From chins<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Below noses<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Hanging from one ear<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Or sometimes<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Fitting so properly<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Covering everything<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">So no one can see <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Or know<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">What we’re really like.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Runners running<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Soundlessly<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Iron determination <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Seeping through<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">So much so<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">That dogs being walked<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Know they cannot <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Wag tails<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Or even<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Bark a greeting.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Two men<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Creating content<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">One breaking into <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Hair flipping, body popping<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Dance<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Faithful friend filming<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">In fits and starts<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">As a security guard<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Sips his chai<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Utterly bemused.<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-1752851542456034532020-10-25T17:43:00.007+05:302020-10-25T17:47:29.284+05:30This is why acid attacks continue to destroy lives<p> <span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">Last week, I
went to my local </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">kirana </i><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">store and
bought a bottle of ‘acid’.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">You know the kind of store I mean -- one those neighbourhood shops that stocks everything from
groceries to greens, to cheap Made-in-China toys, to household germ killers.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">I wanted acid
to clean my bathroom. So the friendly shopkeeper called out to his assistant: “Hey,
get that bottle of ‘acid’, will you.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">“Do I need to
wear gloves or any protective clothing,” I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">“No, you can
either use it as is, or dilute it,” he replied. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">The
shopkeeper did not ask me for either age-proof or id. The other patrons around
me saw nothing amiss, either. They went about their purchases. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">So for just
Rs 60, I gingerly carried a bottle of ‘acid’ home. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">Life went on
as usual. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">But should
it? Shouldn't we all be more concerned that acid can be bought so easily? Did
you know that the Supreme Court has laid down a number of guidelines against
such sale or purchase of acid, in order to prevent acid attacks?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">For instance,
the SC has stated that: <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">Over the counter sale of acid is completely
prohibited unless the seller maintains a log/register recording the sale of
acid which will contain the details of the person(s) to whom acid(s) is/are
sold and the quantity sold. the log/register shall contain the address of the
person to whom it is sold.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">All sellers shall sell acid only after the buyer
has shown:A photo ID issued by the Government which also has the address of the
person.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">Specifies the reason/purpose for procuring
acid.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">All stocks of acid must be declared by the
seller with the concerned sub-Divisional • Magistrate (sDM) within 15 days.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">No acid shall be sold to any person who is
below 18 years of age.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">Source: </span><span lang="EN"><a href="http://ncrb.gov.in/NCRB_Journal/NCRB_Journal_October_2018.pdf"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="color: #1155cc; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">http://ncrb.gov.in/NCRB_Journal/NCRB_Journal_October_2018.pdf</span></a></span><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">How did these
guidelines come into being? Because a gutsy teen did not let a horrific acid
attack destroy her dreams or her life. Laxmi Agarwal was just 15 when she was
attacked with sulphuric acid by a 32-year-old who was angry because she
rebuffed him. The teen did not just overcome the heinous crime committed upon
her, she filed a PIL (Public Interest Litigation) in the SC. This led to
changes in the criminal justice system and to setting up a rehabilitation
scheme for survivors of acid attacks. Yes, the same Laxmi whose life has been portrayed
by Deepika Padukone in </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Chhapaak, </i><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">released
this month.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">The actor has
been lauded for her role as acid attack survivor Malti. In the run-up to the
movie’s release, Padukone was present at a protest in Jawaharlal Nehru
University. Some on social media hailed her a ‘shero’; others spewed vitriol
calling her ‘anti-national’. Padukone, a</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">co-producer of </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Chhapaak </i><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">through
her new company Ka Productions, has been undeterred. She has actively promoted
the movie across social networking platforms. There have been missteps. For
instance, on TikTok, the actor challenged a makeup artiste to recreate her
favourite ‘looks’ from three movies -- </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Om
Shanti Om, Piku</i><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;"> and</span><i style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> Chhapaak.</i><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">
Viewers (and I agree) pointed out that labelling her </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Chhapaak</i><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;"> portrayal a ‘look’ trivialises the message of the movie.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">But Padukone
and team have done other things right. In a ‘social experiment’ (their words,
not mine), they proved what I recently discovered -- that acid is still freely
available for sale. They sent actors as various characters -- a drunk, a
housewife, a husband, etc -- across Mumbai to “buy the strongest acid
possible”. The ‘actors’ bought 24 bottles of acid, just like that.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">Watch the
video here:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=327&v=knAo0t0bSUA&feature=emb_logo"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="color: #1155cc; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=327&v=knAo0t0bSUA&feature=emb_logo</span></a></span><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">In my case, I
went to the store as myself, lugging my yoga mat along (I had just finished my
evening yoga class). The bottle I bought for just Rs 60 is being sold as a
‘toilet cleaner’. But it also bears the words HCL. HCL is hydrochloric acid
(and in gaseous form, a highly toxic gas, hydrogen chloride). HCL is described
here </span><span lang="EN"><a href="https://pubchem.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/compound/Hydrochloric-acid"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="color: #1155cc; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">https://pubchem.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/compound/Hydrochloric-acid</span></a></span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> as a “highly corrosive liquid”.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">Apathy and agony</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">I am
disturbed that I got hold of acid so easily and that everyone around me
appeared oblivious and apathetic to what I did. Why is it important that we
care? Because an acid attack does not just burn away the skin, eyes, mouth,
hair and clothes, or even, melt internal organs. Because it affects not just
the intended victim, but also her family (the majority of those attacked are
women, no surprises there). Because the survivor has to then, wait years for
justice -- Laxmi was attacked with acid in 2005. The SC judgement banning the
OTC sale of acid (among others) came only in 2013. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">But what is
truly remarkable is that the acid cannot destroy the indomitable human spirit.
Bright, beautiful and inspiring Laxmi Agarwal is herself living proof.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">Listen to her
talk at TEDx Jaipur to understand what I mean:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Fq0YvfluN4"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="color: #1155cc; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Fq0YvfluN4</span></a></span><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">In seconds,
an acid attack changes lives, causes irreversible and indescribable damage. As
for the pain of the acid eating into skin, bones, hair, organs -- I cannot even
imagine what that feels like. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">And as I carried that bottle of ‘acid’ home, I
found myself thinking that Rs 60 is the cost of a human life in our country.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">(I wrote this in January and an edited version was published as an opinion piece in Deccan Herald on Jan 23, 2020) </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">https://www.deccanherald.com/opinion/here-s-why-acid-attacks-still-continue-to-destroy-lives-797435.html </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"> </span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-66927931655678856932020-06-10T11:05:00.001+05:302020-06-10T11:05:33.075+05:30Getting by with a little help
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">How
a country treats its most vulnerable -- the poor, the elderly, the destitute --
is a good measure of its fundamental strengths and flaws. And the long hot
summer of India’s lockdown has exposed everything tragically wrong and yet,
also triumphantly right about the country. Where government agencies or systems
collapsed, communities, non-governmental and nonprofit organisations, even
complete strangers, have stepped up to help those in need or distress and those
needing help.</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Sowmini
T, in her late 60s (she is unsure of her exact age), lives in Narikkuni village
of Chelannur block, Kozhikode district, Kerala. Sowmini’s place of work is 40
minutes by bus -- the house of Radha Nair, a retired English professor in
Kozhikode city and my mother. Sowmini has been with my family for over 45
years. She cooks, acts as occasional caretaker and general supervisor of all
things to do with the house and household.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>When the lockdown was announced on March 25,
Sowmini, who has a basic phone and lives in a tiny house, was caught unawares
and unprepared. Like the rest of the country. Though local groups and community
organisations offered cooked food, she did not want it. “I preferred to make <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kanji </i>(thin rice gruel),” she says. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">But
things improved. My mother managed to send across Sowmini’s salary (by
contacting the latter’s more mobile family members who had passes and could
travel). More importantly, Sowmini got vital help from other sources too.
“Since I live alone and am single, the (Chelannur) panchayat gives me rations.
I also received provisions from political parties. And now I get the monthly
‘kit’ from the government,” she says. The ‘kit’ is the Kerala government’s free
aid for ration card holders. It contains about 17 items from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dals,</i> spices, condiments, coffee and
tea, sugar, salt, cooking oils to rava, atta and more. Neatly packaged in stout
cloth bags, the kits have been a lifesaver for 87 lakh families in Kerala. And
people like Sowmini.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Strip away surface ‘gloss’</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Contrast
her experience with that of a senior citizen couple, Sumathi and Ramesh Kiran
(*names changed on request) in Bengaluru, the Silicon Valley of India. “We are
both 62 and used to lead fairly healthy lives, doing housework etc. by
ourselves, no maids. Our health conditions (hypertension, diabetes) were under
control. With lockdown, we had to find new ways to do equivalent exercise at
home (no gym, no walks),” says Sumathi.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A bigger
problem was access to groceries, fruits and vegetables. “We no longer have a
vehicle as we felt it was easier to use autos and cab than maintain a car,”
explains Sumathi. Car-less, the couple could not do bulk shopping. But online
sites were constantly busy, stocks sold out and deliveries cancelled. “So, we
had to carry heavy loads or do multiple trips. There were neighbors helping
seniors in our complex. But there were many seniors in far worse situations than
us. We didn't feel desperate enough to ask for help for non-emergencies,” says
Sumathi. But every small thing became an effort for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Atma nirbhar and... help from
strangers</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The
Kirans are not alone in this. There are countless such stories across India.
According to a 2016 Elderly in India report by the Ministry for Statistics and
Programme Implementation, there are 103.9 million Indians above age 60 -- 8.6%
of the population. Of this, 73.3 million live in rural areas, like Sowmini. The
remaining 30.6 million are urban dwellers, like the Kirans. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">When the
lockdown was announced, the vast majority had to cope on their own -- with no
access to daily essentials, food, medicines etc. Most had to rely on nothing
but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">atma nirbhar (</i>Modi's recent
clarion call) and well, the kindness of complete strangers. Where states and
state agencies failed, citizen-run initiatives, community-run organisations,
senior citizen associations and non-governmental, nonprofit organisations
stepped in. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The kindness of strangers</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">An example
is the online community Caremongers India. </span><span lang="EN"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/caremongersindia/"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">https://www.facebook.com/groups/caremongersindia/</span></a></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Founder Mahita Nagaraj who lives in Bengaluru, set up the
volunteer-based pan-India group on 17 March. Today, it is 43,953-members strong
(and growing). A group admin, Mageshwaran Saba, says they have broad areas of
focus -- those most at risk like senior citizens and the elderly, those with
disabilities, pregnant women and those with infants. “But we ensure that no
call (to our helpline) or post/message (on the Facebook group) goes
unattended,” says Magheswaran whose ‘regular’ job is as a freelance consultant
with the International Basketball Federation (FIBA). </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">From
queries for medicines, oxygen cylinders (and even blood!) to enquiries about
tiffen services in the metros, delivery of essentials, e-passes for travel and
desperate requests for generators in Kolkata (after the devastation wrought by
Cyclone Amphan) -- Caremongers India volunteers help in any way they can. And
there have been some heartwarming encounters too. “One caller urged us to help
his 85-year old friend. So, I called the 85-year-old who promptly informed me
that he is in fact, 87! He said he was “perfectly fine” and that his
‘youngster’ friend was needlessly worrying. Then, I contacted the original
caller. Turned out that he is himself 75. He too assured me that he is doing
okay,” recalls Mageshwaran smiling. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">We are in this together</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">While
the resilience of the human spirit shines bright, the lockdown has also brought
home the fact that together people are stronger. That all seniors need
sometimes is reassurance, and even, social engagement. And that is exactly what
Nidhi Chawla and Reshmi Chakraborty are doing through Silver Talkies (ST) </span><span lang="EN"><a href="https://silvertalkies.com/"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">https://silvertalkies.com/</span></a></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> their online magazine and social
engagement platform for the 55+. The Bengaluru-based duo and co-founders say
seniors across India now reach out. “The <span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-highlight: white;">new dynamics of staying at home 24x7 (alone or with
family), the burden of work, household chores and the uncertainty of the entire
situation is stressing out everyone. In fact, family relationships have
deteriorated in some cases.,” they observe.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-highlight: white;">Sumathi Kiran agrees. “</span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It is impossible to have a normal
conversation with anyone without it going down a COVID blackhole - fear, anger,
frustration, uncertainty. Staying at home all day is one part, not being able
to chat with others because this is all anyone talks about is really even more
frustrating,” she stresses. And <span style="color: #222222;">Dr Ratnavalli
Ellajosyula, a consultant neurologist currently in Mysuru, understands just how
Sumathi feels. This constant focus on risk and fear has a negative effect, she
points out. “I know of families where seniors are constantly being told they
are vulnerable and therefore, they should not go out or take the lift, so on.
This makes matters worse,” she adds.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-highlight: white;">Lack of social engagement
aggravates the situation. So, Nidhi and Reshmi organise Silver Talkies Live
events. These range from webinars with experts --mental health awareness,
immunity boosting diets, life after lockdown etc. -- to </span><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">dance lessons, playback
theatre workshops, chair yoga, virtual tea-parties and meet-ups for ST
community members. “These help seniors stay positive and happy. Now, many are
comfortable using new technologies too. Most actively stay connected over video
calls and wait for announcements of our weekly events,” the duo adds. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Two months o</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">n…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Today, the Kirans are in a better place as far as online
delivery for groceries and essentials is concerned. But they need to get their
monthly blood tests done. “We are still hesitating about that. And later, we
may have to look at telemedicine reviews,” says Sumathi.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">In Sowmini’s case, she wants to get back to work. A chronic
asthmatic, she is susceptible to respiratory infections. So, my mother has
suggested that she drops in twice a week. “I know I have to be careful and I
wear my mask. Wherever I go, they give me sanitiser. It burns my skin,” she
adds wryly. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">BOX 1: </span></b><i><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Dr Anjali Chhabria, a Mumbai-based psychiatrist and
pyschotherapist, who runs MindTemple Institute (a clinic) and Golden Citizens
Trust (a nongovernmental organisation that works with 300-400 seniors) stresses
this is the time for people to look out for and learn from each other. </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Look out for each other</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">“One day, I got a call from a senior citizen who was lonely, depressed
and crying that she may die and her children living abroad, would not see her
again. She had fever and was panicking that she had COVID. After reassuring
her, I got another call -- from a doctor staying in a quarantine centre. She
too was worried that she had contracted the infection. I had the idea of putting
them in touch with each other. I told the senior citizen to check on the doctor
thrice a day. They became friends and their needs were met. The senior wanted
someone to talk to; the doctor needed someone to look after her, ask how she is
doing. Now, we ask our seniors to look after each other, do birthday wishes,
etc. We tell them to send messages to health care workers too. It makes a difference.
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Small joys! </span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Involve the seniors in your family, play games even if it is
virtual. My parents were upset that I am not able to meet them. I started
playing <i>antakshari</i> with my mom and sister, a fun activity. When my mom
says, “I miss you”; I respond: “I love you. Close your eyes and I’m with you.”
Look for small joys even in emotional situations. Talk about happy times, take
out old photographs. Sometimes, parents may have lived through difficult times
(and forgotten how they survived). Remind them of that and that, together, you
will get through this. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">BOX 2:</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">India and dementia </span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">India has about 4.1- 4.4 million people with dementia (as per
various studies including a 2019 report in the Indian Journal of Psychological
Medicine). For comparison, consider that the population of New Zealand is 5 million! Dementia is an umbrella term for conditions where memory,
behaviour, language, thinking skills etc., progressively deteriorate. A
majority of those affected are above 60. Caring for a loved one with dementia
is challenging, in the best of times. Constant supervision is a must. Full-time
nurses/helpers charge anything upwards of Rs 15,000 a month. “Many helpers have
gone back to their hometowns. No one knows when and if they will come back. Of
the few operational care homes in the country, some have shut down, leaving
families in the lurch,” say those working in the sector. Getting someone with
dementia to wear a mask is hard because he or she does not understand why they
need to do so. For that matter, keeping a loved one from wandering is even
tougher -- wandering and going missing is a behavioural aspect of dementia
progression. For such families, the pandemic has made things infinitely worse. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Also check: </span><span lang="EN"><a href="https://dementiacarenotes.in/dementia-home-care-covid19-lockdown-india/"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">https://dementiacarenotes.in/dementia-home-care-covid19-lockdown-india/</span></a></span><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Dementia Care Notes, a resource site run and maintained by
Swapna Kishore, who advocates for more action on dementia care.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A version of this piece was published in The Hindu BusinessLine BLink magazine on June 5, 2020</span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></p>
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<![endif]--><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-29411006417099993422020-05-16T13:20:00.002+05:302020-05-16T13:23:05.773+05:30On seeing millions walking home...<div>We saw them on our way to work <br /></div>In those makeshift tarpaulin shacks <br />Naked children playing with roadside trash<br />Near piles of their own excreta<br />As skeletally thin mothers tried to cook gruel in pots,<br />We looked but didn’t really see. <br /><br />Every morning, we saw them from our cars<br />Shrunken bodies in tattered clothes, in a huddle<br />Waiting for an ‘agent’ to get them work.<br />What did we do then? <br />We cranked up the AC, we plugged into podcasts<br />“How long before this signal changes, damn it!”<br /><br />We drank the bytwo coffee they served us in darshinis<br />We looked but didn’t really care to see. <br />We were too preoccupied with ‘personal milestones’ <br />That we just had to share on our Insta Stories <br />#Ran5Kms #FeelingStrong #LifeIsGood #FeelingBlessed<br /><br />We passed under-construction sites<br />In our localities and our neighbourhoods. <br />We saw them and... we quickened our steps. <br />We held handkerchiefs (no masks then, you see!) to our noses<br />Oh, the smell! These people are so filthy!<br /><br />We saw them. We all did.<br />How could we possibly not? <br />They were on every street. <br />They were part of our cities.<br />They were part of our everyday lives. <br />Yes we looked. But didn't really see<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-54205164522136944492020-03-27T12:11:00.001+05:302020-03-27T12:13:51.355+05:30A meltdownSome days ago, I had what you might call, a meltdown.<br />
I went from anger to intense anguish in moments.<br />
I worked myself up into a frenzy.<br />
I wanted to lash out at my family.<br />
Hurl words that would wound and scar.<br />
I wanted to hurt myself..<br />
Physically harm my own self or something/someone else.<br />
I wanted to break things,something...<br />
Anything would do, I felt, at that moment.<br />
Just to cope with the heaving emotions inside.<br />
Just so I could make sense of what I was feeling.<br />
<br />
<br />
So, I shouted at my loved ones.<br />
At my son for something he did or didn't do.<br />
At my husband for slights real and imagined.<br />
For angry words we have exchanged over the years.<br />
For everything we have ever done to each other.<br />
<br />
<br />
Then, I shut myself up in a room<br />
Immersed myself in all that was and is torn and tormented inside<br />
And I cried my heart out.<br />
I ended up with a migraine that day.<br />
But later, when I calmed down, I felt better. <br />
<br />
But more than that, I found that my family still loves me.<br />
My young son still expects me to tuck him up in bed, each night.<br />
My husband is still there, stolid and exasperatingly silent.<br />
I know he has his demons<br />
As I have mine.<br />
And maybe, just maybe, together we can face them down. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-10013737470989891822018-02-28T21:45:00.003+05:302018-03-01T07:00:29.772+05:30"I heard voices...they told me to hide under the bed, to run, run away." A young mom talks about post partum depression<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-7e22dcd7-dd27-db0c-0da9-c038d7cce74a" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Post Partum Depression—My Story</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Anjana Sharma (name changed on request)</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">"My pregnancy was unplanned. I got married just out of college. Eight months later, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">as I was all set to enroll for an MBA, I found out I was going to be a mother. I was in </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">denial. “This cannot be happening,” was my initial reaction. Also, I didn't have the </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">classic symptoms of pregnancy—nausea, vomiting, sensitivity to smells, etc. In fact, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">my pregnancy was easy, it was just difficult emotionally. But by the second trimester, I </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">slowly came to accept my pregnancy and by the third, I was looking forward to my baby. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I went for Lamaze and ante-natal classes. I intensely wanted a natural birth.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">A traumatic delivery</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">My labour started the right way—the baby's head descended, but my labour was </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">extremely protracted. After eight hours, there was no sign of my baby coming out. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I was the perfect patient—calm, not screaming, doing my breathing, so on. And the</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> hospital (one of those mom-and baby specialty places) was packed. There were not </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">enough beds in the labour room. I guess the staff wanted to free up beds for others. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">One of the attending interns said she would rupture my water bag, I protested, but</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">just then I had a contraction and the pain left me silent. The intern also asked my </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">husband to go out though I wanted him to stay. She ruptured my water bag, and</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> immediately, baby's heartbeat came down. My baby was in distress! As I lay </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">traumatised and in pain, the staff wheeled me into the C-section, against my wishes. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">That's how my daughter was born. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">After birth, my baby was in the ICU and I was in the recovery room, filled with </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">terrible guilt that I had not tried my best for my daughter. Worse, I couldn't even bond</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">with her. No one showed me how to breastfeed. I had inverted nipples and didn't even </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">know what that meant. And I suffered from cracked and bleeding breasts every time </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">my daughter tried to drink milk. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">My peers were doing their Masters, but at 22, I had a baby to care for. I felt utterly lost.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I had severe crying bouts. Previously, an emotionally strong person, now I would cry</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">hysterically for no reason. Even I couldn't understand why. No one in my family knew </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">what was wrong. There was no awareness of post partum depression (PPD). At my </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">ante-natal classes there had been a perfunctory mention of PPD, but nothing about </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">signs, symptoms, what to look out for, etc. My family and I were totally clueless. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Who am I? What happened to my life?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Before pregnancy, I used to be 49 kgs. Now I had touched 67 kgs. The weight gain </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">added to my sense of feeling lost. I didn't know where my life was headed. I had episodes</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">where suppressed childhood memories (that I had no recollection of till then!), </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">overwhelmed me. For example, a memory of a myself as a seven- year-old playing all </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">alone in the school grounds with just the watchman for company, filled me with so much</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">anger towards my mother. She had forgotten all about picking me up from school because</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">of her busy meetings schedule. My mother was (and is) a working mom, so growing up,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I was in the care of a nanny from six months of age. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">My anger had me seething, “how could my mother have left me like that?” I came to </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">believe I couldn't leave or trust my baby with anyone else. There was no one I could </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">talk to about these feelings. My friends were still single, they wouldn't understand. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Run away, run away”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">When my baby was about four months, I started hearing voices in my head, male </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">voices whispering: “...run away, just run away. You can have your life back, you can </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">start life afresh”. Moreover, my baby was a night baby—she would feed practically all </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">night, and then sleep at 4 am. I was exclusively breastfeeding her the first six months. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">And she was also inexplicably crying all the time. (I later found out that she had colic). </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Meanwhile, my mother had to go back to work. So I felt like a milk vending machine, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I felt no one bothered about me. My husband was (and still is) very supportive, he </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">helped as best as he could. But I was in sole charge at night. One night, my baby's </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">crying got so bad, I didn't know how to pacify her. The voices told me to hide in a dark </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">place. So I left her in the crib and hid under the wardrobe, under the bed, under the </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">kitchen cabinet—to shut the crying out. I had this intense panic attack, I felt consumed</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">by guilt that I was an incompetent mother, that I did not deserve to be a mother. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I wanted to run away. I even packed my bags and kept money ready, like the voices </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">told me too. It took an immense effort to shut those voices and not run away.</span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">In my fights with my mother, I was using abusive language, smashing things in my </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">rage. I had become another person. During this period, I also lost my best friend </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">because I hurt her with my behaviour. Worse, there was friction in my marriage </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">because of my mood swings, etc. My husband didn't know what was happening to me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Well, I didn't know, either. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Seeking help</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">My baby was eight months old by then. I knew something was seriously wrong with me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">So my husband and I went to the top psychiatry specialty hospital in the city. The </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">doctor we saw told me I had bi-polar disorder. That I needed immediate hospitalisation, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">that I couldn't breastfeed (because I had to be on medication) and that I was too </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">dangerous to be near my baby. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The doctor's diagnosis was unacceptable to me. My husband was fully supportive. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">He said we should seek a second opinion. That's how we went to see another top </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">doctor—a psychiatrist who is also a marriage and relationship expert. He diagnosed </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">me with PPD. He explained it was treatable, that I was not losing my mind or going </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">insane. He explained it was a combination of factors that had led to this. He advised </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">medication and counselling. As I wanted to continue nursing, I opted for counselling </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">with the assurance that I would go on medication if things did not improve. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Feeling hope, for the first time</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The diagnosis was a great relief. The doctor didn't belittle me or my situation. And </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">that helped. I had been guilt-tripping myself thinking my own selfish ambitions had </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">led me to this. But knowing I had something treatable made a difference. The</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">counselling worked and the voices in my head died down. Things slowly improved. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">By the time my daughter was 10 months old, she was sleeping better (my husband and </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I worked at changing her sleeping patterns). I hired a cook who could also babysit while </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I got some extra sleep. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I re-started doing things I love, like cycling and yoga. Doing my morning yoga made </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">me so happy, that carried me through the day. Exercise truly releases happy hormones</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">(endorphins). Interestingly, I had tried gymming previously, but that did not help me </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">at all. Doing what I love helped me the most. It helped too that I was no longer just </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">confined to my home. I used to be an avid backpacker and trekker, I slowly re-started</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">that too. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Loving my baby, myself, my life</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I've realised that as moms, our biggest mistake is to try and fit into the socially </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">accepted role of the perfect mom---one who sacrifices everything for the baby, to </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">try and be someone you are not. There is also so much pressure today, to lose the </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">baby weight immediately. And people can be so cruel about weight gain. When </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">my baby was seven months old, I attended an engagement function. A woman, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">who had known me all my life, didn't recognise me. She in fact, told me: “You're so fat. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I, on the other hand, lost the baby weight immediately, but then I had a normal </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">delivery.” Hearing this, I felt gutted. I stopped going out and that, in turn, made </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">my situation worse (this was before my PPD diagnosis). It took me two years to go </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">back to my pre-pregnancy size. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Why, there is even a stigma over having a C-section. My daughter's birth weight </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">was 2.6 kg. Some of the people who came to see me after delivery would taunt me</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">saying, “you couldn't even deliver such a small baby!” Why cannot people be kinder </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to new mothers, not say such hurtful things?</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">My daughter is almost three and a half years old now. At 26, I am younger than </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">most other moms around. But first and foremost, I accept that I am not a “perfect” </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">mom. My doctor told me that new moms often set too high standards for themselves. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It is so true. Today, I leave my daughter at my mom's place so I can go on treks by </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">myself. Other mothers judge me for this but I know that I am a better mother if I </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">have the space to be myself. What's more, my daughter is independent and strong. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Every time I come back from a trek, I bond with her better, I love and cherish her </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">more. My only regret is that I will never get back my best friend.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">On the other hand, my experience has led me to my true calling--I am training to </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">be a Lamaze-certified Birth Instructor. So I can help other new mothers. So they </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">won't go through what I did."</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.44; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I wrote this originally for The Alternative.in some years ago. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Here is the link to the original piece. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #00000a; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><a href="http://www.thealternative.in/society/experiencing-post-partum-depression-changed-view-perfect-mom/">http://www.thealternative.in/society/experiencing-post-partum-depression-changed-view-perfect-mom/</a> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #00000a; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #00000a; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-47941152439276169532017-09-28T10:26:00.001+05:302017-09-28T11:50:32.710+05:30Shame, sin and a strapI am walking in the neighbourhood park.<br />
Not for pleasure, but exercise.<br />
I am striding along, trying not to puff and pant.<br />
Thinking of those damn 10,000-steps-a-day that I never seem to do.<br />
Thinking that I must get my cardio rate up, get those endorphins going.<br />
Walking and trying to avoid the others on the path.<br />
The burqa-clad women around me talk noisily,<br />
Some are there to walk seriously, but most are not.<br />
They sit there, like beady-eyed beetles, watching, looking, and to my mind, judging.<br />
So do the men.<br />
No, let me rephrase that.<br />
Many people in the park are there simply because they have nothing else to do.<br />
Or perhaps this is where they see life pass them by.<br />
Where they see what ifs and what might have beens.<br />
Where they see happiness that could have been theirs.<br />
Where they see lives shaped by both circumstance and choice. <br />
<br />
In the park, the ones who are not walking desultorily, chat and hang around.<br />
The serious runners impatiently overtake the rest of us slower mortals.<br />
Suddenly, a voice rings out: Excuse me!<br />
A burqa-clad woman, sitting on a bench.<br />
She looks at me meaningfully, fingers pointing.<br />
What on earth, I wonder. Then I look down at my right shoulder.<br />
My bra strap is showing.<br />
Just a little bit.<br />
My exercise bra is also showing.<br />
But perhaps that is not such a terrible thing.<br />
I stop. I am humiliated, I admit.<br />
This woman has been sitting there, looking me up and down, and she has noticed my BRA STRAP!<br />
Thank you, I tell her quietly.<br />
And quickly slip my strap under my long, loose t-shirt.<br />
<br />
I walk away from her, as fast as I can.<br />
In my head, I am furious with myself.<br />
Why didn't I say, "My strap doesn't bother me, the way it obviously bothers you".<br />
Why didn't I ignore her?<br />
Why didn't I just walk on?<br />
I should have, but I didn't.<br />
She made me feel all gauche, not grown up.<br />
Like I did something wrong.<br />
Like I was in the wrong. <br />
<br />
No matter. I am going back to that park.<br />
Wearing something tighter, shorter.<br />
I hope my straps will show. <br />
And I hope that woman will see. <br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-90950019735594599782016-12-16T12:23:00.000+05:302016-12-16T12:23:32.009+05:30Faking it on FacebookEver get the feeling that you're faking it?<br />
I feel that most days. In fact, I know I am. Being fake, I mean.<br />
Especially on social media.<br />
Which, in itself, is an oxymoron, come to think of it. To me, at least. <br />
Because we are not really all likeable and loveable and sociable.<br />
In real life, it is not humanly possible to be friends or friendly, all the time.<br />
Rather, we diss and dissect. We gossip and bitch, about each other.<br />
But we continue to fake it, online.<br />
And social media lets us. <br />
<br />
The other day, I was depressed and down in the dumps.<br />
Seeing all the happy-awesome posts in my Facebook feed, made things infinitely worse.<br />
So I lost it, after seeing a 'friend' upload a couple of 100 pictures (okay, I exaggerate) in a matter of minutes, from her fabulous break.<br />
So well, I bitched about that to a group of friends on WhatsApp.<br />
And nobody reacted or agreed with me. <br />
Naturally, I felt awful. Wicked. Like a total bitch.<br />
To make matters worse, the next day, the person I originally bitched about proceeded to 'like' one of my own posts on FB.<br />
I felt even more evil, after that.<br />
<br />
The problem is, there is no depth, no real feeling, no real connecting or reaching out, on social media.<br />
It's all on the surface. It's all so so superficial.<br />
But guess what, now I've learnt my lesson.<br />
When the superficiality of it all gets to me.<br />
All I have to do is post some random pseudo-deep stuff, pretending those are my innermost insights (yeah, repetitive, but I like it). <br />
And the world will 'like' it and share.<br />
And hopefully, I will feel better.<br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-72645165083451852242016-06-10T13:31:00.000+05:302016-06-10T13:31:16.840+05:30Ground realitiesOur little man went back to school on Monday. <br />
We watched him put on his new t-shirt, wear his new pair of shoes.<br />
We watched him walking with his new school bag, new lunch bag, new water bottle, new name tags<br />
And he looked so handsome and smart, and happy, that my heart swelled with pride, with love.<br />
I watched him walk beside his father and prayed he would be safe and secure in the world out there.<br />
<br />
As I went back inside our flat, I happened to look out the window of our living room.<br />
A small figure was standing on the open first floor of the under-construction building next door. Dressed in clothes that had been washed many times, this little boy certainly wasn't going to any school. There would be no new academic year for him. Just life on a series of construction sites.<br />
<br />
The boy is just one of the many children running around wild near our building. Their parents are migrant labourers from North Karnataka who have camped here to work on the under-development plots just beside our building. I know they are from North Karnataka because their Kannada has that lilting accent and the dialect they speak is very different from the local version. The group has a couple of women, and many men.The men work on the site all day and don't do much else. The women do much, much more--their day begins at dawn, when they wash everyone's clothes. On some days, the women bathe too first thing, or give their children baths. I know this because all the activity happens right outside our window.<br />
<br />
These people have no privacy. The construction site is open to all--there are no windows, just sheets strung outside and because the building is so close to our own, I can literally hear everything that happens in their lives. Not a happy situation, but this is ground reality. Literally.<br />
<br />
There is a lot of similar construction happening all around the Cooke Town-Davis Road area. Because land prices are astronomical here. Most of the workers are Hindi-speaking single men. But there are families too. <br />
<br />
When families come to our city in search of work, obviously, it means their children tag along. According to an NGO called Sampark, there are some 300,000 children of construction workers in our city (I don't know how they have arrived at this number, though). When children accompany their parents, it basically means they don't go to school. And in many cases, putting them in nearby government schools (private schools won't touch these children), does not make sense--for the adults move from site to site. Wherever there is work.<br />
<br />
That is why the children who live outside my window, do nothing other than play by the roadside every day. Whenever I step out, I see these little boys and girls (the oldest cannot be much more than 10) running perilously close to the kerb, narrowly missing being run over by the motorists whizzing by. Their parents have no time to mind them. So the children do their own thing. And yes, they are at risk of every kind of danger, possible. <br />
<br />
I feel guilty every time I see them. After all, my own child goes to a good school, enjoys all the comfort we can provide him. And in my naivete, I have clumsily tried to help. To "make a difference", which is a much-used phrase these days,<br />
<br />
A few days ago, I gave one of the migrant women a bag filled with childrens' clothes, adults' clothes and a few toys. Filled with idealistic zeal, I hoped that the children (and the women) would benefit. That the former would at least have something to play with--other than sand, cement and wheelbarrows. It's been quite a few days now and I am yet to see the children play with any of the toys I "donated". And slowly, it has dawned on me that the woman (who took the bag) probably sold the contents for money.<br />
<br />
Toys really don't mean much to people who live by the roadside. In fact, the migrant children too, have learnt to hone their survival skills. They have now realised that I am a "soft touch", in a matter of speaking.<br />
<br />
Initially, when they saw me, they would smile and wave at me, call me "Aunty". I would smile back, feeling torn up inside, guilty and sad, all at once. Nowadays though, when I go out, the children come running up to me, and the smallest is dispatched, hand outstretched. "Hathu rupa kodu, aunty", he beseeches, every time.<br />
<br />
And I look away. Every time. <br />
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<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-66420648455623815032016-05-30T13:46:00.001+05:302017-09-28T10:01:02.956+05:30Paean to Food...and Lost Loves<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Writer
Anita Nair’s newest offering, <i>Alphabet Soup for Lovers,</i> is a paean
to food, love, loss and longing, and the intimate connections between
them. The narrator of this novella is the family cook, Komathi. And
by using the language of touch and taste, Komathi introduces us to
Lena Abraham, and the man Lena is so instantly attracted to, Shoola
Pani Dev--a superstar, plagued by superstardom and a loveless
marriage.
</div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Komathi,
is trying to learn the alphabet. For her, love of food is as
intrinsic and intimate as love or life itself. So, A, for Komathi is
“Arisi” (rice in <i>tamizh</i>, as she puts it). Every alphabet
thereafter, and the food, dish or vegetable she associates it with,
is thus an aphorism--an acute observation of men and women and what
they do for love.
</div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Komathi
knows Lena, or Leema as she calls her, did not marry her husband KK
for love; they are “like two strangers in a doctor’s waiting
room.” And Komathi also knows Leema needs some <i>arisi appalam</i>
(rice pappads) in her life. <i>Arisi appalam,</i> with its mingled
flavours of green chillies, asafoetida, lime and the heat of the sun,
is “like a firecracker bursting in the mouth”. But it spoils
quickly, she warns. And that is how we get our first inkling that Lena, at age
39, is about to get a lesson in life and love that will disrupt her
otherwise nondescript existence.
</div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Shoola
Pani, the newest guest at Lena and KK’s plantation homestay in the
picturesque Annamalai Hills, is that disruption. I confess the name Shoola Pani feels utterly unsexy for me, as a reader. But Anita Nair's Lena Abraham has no such qualms. As Komathi watches, her Leema re-learns the alphabet of life. And as Komathi reaches the
letter Z, she too gets a chance to reunite with a love she thought
lost forever. </div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Will Komathi reach out for her own Zigarthanda-- the
cool, refreshing drink that “makes you step into the unknown, not
thinking about what you have left behind, or what lies ahead”?</div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Will
she?</div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Won’t
she?</div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Nair’s
clarity of thought and writing, makes this book a flavourful,
colourful read.
</div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Alphabet
Soup for Lovers by Anita Nair</i></div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Harper
Collins India</i></div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-48017883121890329672016-05-07T07:23:00.003+05:302016-05-07T07:24:54.309+05:30Those early morningsI love waking up early, but not too early.<br />
The world is still silent and dark, with that opalescent light falling through the curtains.<br />
Our little fellow is completely, heart-crushingly asleep, his face burrowed into some happy dream. Though, sometimes, the moment I leave his side, he stirs and mutters. And then I stand as still as stone, hoping that he won't wake or call out.<br />
I love him, you see, but being alone at this time is something I need more. <br />
<br />
Our upstairs neighbour's dog is blessedly quiet. If she is left alone, she barks non-stop (the dog, not the neighbour). Hopefully, her mistress won't decide to go for an early-morning walk.<br />
<br />
I've always admired people who start their day with lime-and-honey or hot-water, or green tea. Or white tea which I read somewhere is even healthier than the green version. <br />
But me, I need coffee. <br />
I love that ritual of pouring the decoction, adding milk, jaggery (yep, much better than sugar, trust me), and watching it all swirl around in a medley of milk chocolate.<br />
Coffee, I'm told, mustn't boil. So I take it off the flame just before it sizzles and fizzes, and well, burns.<br />
And pour it into my slightly chipped blue mug.<br />
And tip toe to our living room, where I sit in the pale light.<br />
It rained the previous day, so the air is deliciously cool.<br />
Which makes that first sip from my steaming mug, all the more blissful.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-15169534145945602802015-08-21T14:16:00.001+05:302015-09-11T13:38:29.024+05:30Shake your bon bonI'm the world's best twerker. <br />
Not that you'd know it.<br />
I dance like nobody's watching. Well, because nobody is.<br />
<br />
But that's what's so joyful about it.<br />
Because I dance for myself.<br />
And because I love how my body moves to the beat.<br />
<br />
<br />
Put me in the spotlight, put me on video.<br />
And I freeze. For, my grace is my own.<br />
Not for you. Not to be 'liked' or re-posted. Or whatever.<br />
<br />
Because this is what I do, for myself. To feel alive.<br />
It's a private moment, a joy that is mine and mine alone.<br />
Like sipping your first cuppa of the day. Knowing it hits the spot.<br />
Or sharing a smile with your love, cherishing the knowledge that only you know how to touch him a certain way. <br />
Like giving your child a tight hug, listening to that little lisp<br />
And knowing that soon, these memories will be overlaid with new ones.<br />
<br />
<br />
Why celebrate and capture it for the world to see?<br />
Because these moments will seep into us, by and by.<br />
Because these are meant to be lived, not 'liked'.<br />
<br />
So put on the music you love.<br />
Dance like nobody's watching.<br />
Even if nobody is.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-32040074682661540952015-03-17T15:06:00.001+05:302015-03-17T15:08:25.712+05:30Money and maidsIf you give in each time, you're perceived as a "soft touch". If you don't, you're a hard-nosed bitch. That's the thing about money and maids. <br />
<br />
But what do you do when the new domestic help asks for a loan? And then quickly terms it an "advance" on her next salary?<br />
<br />
That's what my cook did today. She's been with us for less than five weeks now. In which time, she has been erratic and turns up at various times. She has also not been totally honest--when she started, she had promised to be home by 11.30 am. So that my little boy can have his lunch by 1 pm. (Before we hired her, I was doing the housework and cooking and running to pick him up from school/ferrying him to fitness classes. Basically, I barely had time for my freelance assignments or even, to sit down and catch my breath).<br />
<br />
But our cook actually turns up now between 1 p.m and 1.30 pm. Because she never told me she had a prior commitment. When she's fell ill this month, I insisted that she take time off to fully recover. And no, I do not intend to dock her pay for the days she missed.<br />
<br />
Yet now, she wants a loan/advance. For me, hiring domestic help has become a necessity--I have aged parents who live in another state. In an emergency, if I have to be by their side, my husband will not be able to manage home, child and job (he works full-time, unlike me). So we work really hard. And we value hard work. Also, we value honesty. For us, the domestic help is worthy of respect if she/they do their job well, are professional, and turn up on time. <br />
<br />
So anyway, I said no to my cook. And felt really bad about saying so.<br />
What would you do in such a situation?<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-6474640534701684392015-03-16T13:16:00.000+05:302018-02-27T06:27:26.433+05:30Being a bystander or being the change<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.21cm; direction: <span aria-haspopup="true" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1" id=":z.1" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% yellow;" class="goog-spellcheck-word">ltr</span>; <span aria-haspopup="true" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1" id=":z.2" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% yellow;" class="goog-spellcheck-word">color</span>: <span aria-haspopup="true" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1" id=":z.3" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% yellow;" class="goog-spellcheck-word">rgb</span>(0, 0, 0); line-height: 115%; text-align: left; widows: 2; orphans: 2; text-decoration: none; page-break-before: auto; page-break-after: auto; }p.western { font-family: "<span aria-haspopup="true" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1" id=":z.4" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% yellow;" class="goog-spellcheck-word">Arial</span>",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; }p.<span aria-haspopup="true" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1" id=":z.5" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% yellow;" class="goog-spellcheck-word">cjk</span> { font-family: "<span aria-haspopup="true" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1" id=":z.6" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% yellow;" class="goog-spellcheck-word">Arial</span>",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; }p.<span aria-haspopup="true" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1" id=":z.7" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% yellow;" class="goog-spellcheck-word">ctl</span> { font-family: "<span aria-haspopup="true" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1" id=":z.8" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% yellow;" class="goog-spellcheck-word">Arial</span>",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; }a:link { }</style><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">So
an out-of-town cop beat up his daughter in public, over an alleged
affair. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">People,
including the girl's own mother, stood by and watched. I am sure the
mother was distraught. But she did nothing. Two women passersby (may
their tribe increase!) came to the girl's rescue and called the local
cops. But in the end, the daughter failed to file a complaint. </span></span>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">No
surprises there. Perhaps the daughter is used to this kind of
behaviour. Perhaps the mother gets beaten up too, back in their
hometown. Perhaps both mom and daughter are conditioned to expect
this abuse from the husband/father. Perhaps the daughter will go on
to marry a man who will beat her up too. And if she has a daughter,
than that girl too will grow up thinking this is normal. And the
cycle of abuse will continue. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Who
is to blame? The mother for doing nothing. Mind you, she is a
teacher. The bystanders for doing nothing. (Someone even took
photographs. I wonder if someone else took a video on his/her
smartphone. I won't be too shocked if a video is uploaded soon.) The
daughter for not filing a complaint. But then her own mother did not
help her when she was being abused.</span></span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Oh
but I forgot, this is a country where a lawyer actually said on
camera that he would burn his daughter if she ever had pre-marital
“relations”. By that standard, what this cop did to his daughter
is not that bad, no?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Why
are we so ostensibly shocked when such events are played out brazenly
in pubic? Because these incidents happened publicly? After all, these
are not exceptions. This is what actually happens in millions of
homes. This is the way people think. And this is how they treat their
wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, daughters-in-law. This is how
they treat women. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Let
me give you two examples right here in India's Silicon Valley. A is
from a traditional family. Married into another traditional family.
Her family and her in laws are originally from Rajasthan but are
true-blue Bangaloreans now. She is an engineer by education married
to a software engineer. Her family never allowed her to work. She is
now a mother of three boys. The women in her in-laws' family are seen
and not heard. Literally. They are there to cook, clean, look after
the children. And I presume, meet their husbands' needs. This woman's
father-in-law does not look at her, talk to her, or even acknowledge
her existence as a human being. Because she is a woman. “If he
wants his meals or his tea, he leaves his handkerchief on the dining
table--that is our sign to serve him”, she says. I'm told he does
talk to his wife though. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now
consider this woman's husband, a software engineer, who probably
works for a global tech company with clients across the world. The
husband probably interacts with women software engineers and women
clients in the course of his work. Etiquette demands he treats them
with respect, right? Never mind that at home, his wife basically
doesn't exist. Surreal, really. </span></span>
</div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">B is a nurse by training married to a software
engineer. Mother of a young girl. And slave to her in-laws. “I go
to bed at 1 am, I wake up by 4 am,” she says. Why? Because her
father-in-law needs his </span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">kaapi
</span></i></span></span></span><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">at
the crack of dawn. And she is expected to make it for him. Through
the day, she cooks, cleans, looks after her daughter, is expected to
cook for the assorted in laws who keep visiting the house frequently.
And she does this every day. Without any help. And it is not as if
she gets any praise for her cooking (which is excellent, by the way.
I can vouch for it!). “No matter what I make, my mother-in-law will
say it is tasteless,” she says wryly. And what does the software
engineer husband do to support his wife? Well, he frequently travels
to the US on work. Where he interacts with women colleagues too.
Never mind that his wife is a slave at home. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
</div>
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</div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Why
don't A and B rebel? Stand up for themselves? Well, how can a woman
stand up for herself, if she has no support from her family, her
husband, or the society she lives in? Because not every woman can be
Suzette Jordan. This single mother-of-two overcame being gangraped,
only to find herself grappling societal stigma, an administration's
apathy and relentless humiliation. (She died in hospital in Kolkata
this week. Look up her story if you must.) </span></span>
</div>
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</div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Very
few people have that kind of courage. The two women who came to that
girl's rescue, do though.</span></span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So,
yes, there is a brighter side. The girl's mother was a bystander. But
two strangers, two other women, came to her aid. They stood up for
change, that day. </span></span>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Perhaps
one day, the mother and daughter, will stand up for themselves too. But
will society stand with them, or be against them? </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">(From Connected Lives on citizenmatters.in</span><span style="font-size: small;">)</span></span>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-3870214989373310132015-02-09T22:37:00.000+05:302015-02-09T22:39:08.551+05:3050 shades of grey (and still sexy!)<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>Well, that was my original title for this piece that was published in The Hindu Sunday Magazine in December 2014 :)</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>What does it take to embrace your grey hair in an age when selfies reign supreme, where brunch is often a botox break and dress size is as much a status symbol as an Hermès Birkin? A growing tribe of women--in their 30s, 40s and 50s, all confident and yes, succesful at what they do, show you can scoff at this collective obsession with superficiality. And make going grey, a matter of pride.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i></i><br />Binaifer Bharucha (36) in fact, recently proved greys can be downright glamorous too. The freelance photographer from Mumbai is one of five women appearing in the April 2014 issue of Elle India fashion magazine in a photo feature celebrating grey hair. Bharucha started greying in school. “Now it is a part of my personality. I have short hair, so it looks pretty funky and individualistic. Total strangers often ask why I look young and still have so much grey hair,” she laughed. <br /><br />Radhika Chandiramani is another woman who believes sexy is a silvery shade. Chandiramani (48), a clinical psychologist and founder of non governmental organisation TARSHI (Talking About Reproductive and Sexual Health Issues), in New Delhi, has always loved grey hair. “My greying began when I was about 25 years old--I had a grey streak right in the centre and it did wonders for my assessment of my sex appeal!”<br /><br />Like both of them, Maureen Gonsalves, (53) programme coordinator at the Goethe-Institut/Max Mueller Bhavan in Bengaluru, thinks grey hair looks great. “My hair is very important to me and that’s precisely the reason why I don’t colour it,” she said.<br /><br /><b>Good at the job not good enough?</b><br />But in a world where image is everything, do your looks (and your hair) better your prospects for promotion? Chandiramani and Gonsalves feel,at the end of the day, you need to be good at your job. Results matter more than anything else. On the other hand, Swaroop Rao, chief marketing officer at The Writers Block, a technical communication outsourcing company in Bengaluru, pointed out that it takes a certain level of personal self esteem, strength and professional success, to stay true to one's hair colour. “Looking good (and glossy haired,),..is second only to one's professional skills, especially if you are in a customer facing role. For my organisation, I'd consider it on par with having good communication and people skills,” Rao stressed. <br /><br />It takes spunk for a woman to let her greys be, agreed Rao but admitted frankly: “Not everyone has it... not me”. <br /><b><br />A greying world</b><br />What makes things more stressful in this looks-talent conundrum is that premature greying is on the rise. Bengaluru-based dermatologist Dr Mukta Sachdev has seen increasing numbers of children and young teens, with greying hair. “Canities is the medical term and it is a genetic condition. The increasing numbers definitely points to a multifactorial etiology of lifestyle, diet and environmental factors,” she explained.<br /><br />Today, just as melanin in the skin requires extensive use of beauty products, lack of melanin in the hair is as ruthlessly tackled. No wonder India is one of the fastest growing markets for beauty products and services. And no wonder also that 40 per cent of the daily clientele at Manjul Gupta's chain of Bodycraft unisex salon/spas across Bengaluru, seeks root coverage and colouring of greys. <br /><br /><b>Self esteem in a 'selfie'</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b> </b>Early greying and the growing market catering to that phenomenon are both indicative of the need and the constant pressure to look good. As Bharucha pointed out: “It is tough for women to embrace grey hair at any age. We are continuously bombarded with images of women being told to colour their hair the minute they find a grey strand. We place immense, sometimes almost unrealistic, emphasis on looking younger”. Dr Anjali Chhabria, psychiatrist, psychotherapist and founder of Mindtemple in Mumbai, felt women today “..are pressured to fulfill all their roles and maintain a young and fabulous self. Selfies and advertisements of cosmetic products and various treatments/surgeries available now and which celebs espouse, adds to the stress”. <br /><br />Such pressures, said Dr Chhabria, can lead young women to feel depressed, overly self critical and self-conscious, especially in social gatherings. “It can lead to unhealthy coping strategies such as eating disorders or body image disorders,” she said. That is why dermatologists like Dr Sachdev end up counselling their patients. “It definitely affects your self esteem as grey hair has been traditionally associated with ageing,” Dr Sachdev said.<br /><br /><b>To belong or ...to just “be” yourself</b><br />So, is it the toughest thing in the world is to just 'be' yourself? According to Dr Chhabria: “Women with a high sense of self-worth and esteem choose to be exactly who they are. This is applicable to their physical appearance as well. They take pride in their ageing. Acceptance plays a key role in this”.<br /><br />A woman can have grey hair and feel sexy and be successful, stressed both Gonsalves and Chandiramani. And Bharucha on her part, said she often receives compliments on her salt-and-pepper hair.... “especially from younger people who colour their hair, wishing they could let go and do the same.” <br /><br />“Self confidence,” added Chandiramani, “speaks louder than any fashion statement.” <br /><br />And when a national fashion magazine makes a point of featuring women who embrace their greys, that makes going grey a positive, welcome process. <br />_______________________________<br /><b>Ageing 'grey'cefully: </b>There are many people who, well in their 50s and 60s, stay unusually dark-haired. Many of our film stars, socialites and celebrities, for instance. “Such people,” declared Bengaluru-based journalist, author and columnist C K Meena, “are disgusting”. Meena, who is in her 50s, has had grey hair from her teens. “Why have jet black hair when the rest of you is shrivelled and wrinkled,” she asked. “Perhaps for those who colour their hair, the dilemna is when to stop dyeing. Because if you suddenly stop dyeing, your hair turns a ghastly colour,” she said. <br /><br />According to Dr Mukta Sachdev (47), “greying and your attitude to it is a personal choice. You need to be comfortable with your looks and body. Personally, I have grey hair and am quite comfortable with it at this time. But honestly, it really depends on your state of mind. Life is dynamic--feel good about yourself both externally but more important, internally,” she stressed. <br /><br />Yet sometimes, for those in the spotlight, the constant pressure to always look good leads to them desperately pursuing youthful looks. For such people, said Mumbai-based Aishwarya Subramanyam, editor of Elle India magazine, “...youth, or the appearance of youth, seems to be the only way to stay relevant, and we all contribute to the obsession”. Subramanyam, in her early 30s, claims she is as “superficial as the next person, and not terribly fond of ageing. I tell myself there is wisdom in every wrinkle. But ask me (about going grey) in ten years' time and I might be desperately trying to hold on to youth myself,” she said, wryly. <br /><br />The Elle photo feature, she added, was “to send up a great big cheer for women who break tradition and champion a different kind of beauty”. <br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Going grey at the workplace: </b>What happens to older employees in new technology companies in India where youth is omnipresent? Where Human Resources (HR) policy is geared towards keeping the extremely young workface happy and motivated? Do older employees face 'ageism' in India as they do in the West? According to a tech industry veteran working in Delhi with one of the best known tech companies in the world, ageism per se, is not a problem in the Indian tech industry. “Though at 43, I do sometimes find it awkward to be dealing with 20-something, pony-tailed colleagues,” he smiled. Referring to “looking good” at the workplace, he said Indian tech firms tended to prefer being formal in terms of clothes, while American tech firms encouraged casual dressing. <br /><br />Vaishali Khandekar, a former Infoscian, who now runs literary magazine Reading Hour in Bengaluru, too agreed she never found anyone treating people with grey hair differently, during her time at Infosys. “We were total geeks, actually,” she said. Asked about the pressure to look good as well as be good at the job, Khandekar pointed out that most Indian tech firms work in software services while American tech firms such as Google and Facebook are product companies. “They are their own bosses. But in software services, you cannot be less smartly dressed than your client,” she pointed out. <br /><br />Today, there is more pressure to look good, but that is happening everywhere and not just in technology firms. “A friend who works at a multi national company told me she is forced to buy three-four new outfits every month, for work,” Khandekar said.<br /><br />On his part, the tech veteran added that as the Indian technology sector matures, the industry will eventually need to deal with the disparities in age among the workforce. “But there is no ageism, per se, as it is perceived in the West,” he added.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">For the published piece: click here: <a href="http://www.thehindu.com/features/magazine/an-increasing-number-of-people-are-greying-with-grace/article6711164.ece">http://www.thehindu.com/features/magazine/an-increasing-number-of-people-are-greying-with-grace/article6711164.ece</a> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-84738401501007626832014-07-20T16:20:00.003+05:302014-07-21T18:33:51.525+05:30Let It Go--Project Forgiveness<b>How to forgive, forget and, live a freer life</b><br />
<br />
What does it take to let go of prejudices, pressures or personal loss? How do you break free of bitterness for better things? And would you rather risk all, or rest on your laurels? Well if you haven't yet, start now, because forgiving those who hurt you and freeing yourself from fears or flawed feelings, can leave you healthier, happier. What you need to do is learn how to forgive, move on and grow on. <br />
<br />
But first, how do you learn to forgive? Dr Fred Luskin, a Senior Consultant in Health Promotion at Stanford University and a Professor at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, is the go-to man for that. Dr Luskin is globally acclaimed for his work as the Director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects--an ongoing series of workshops and research projects that investigate the effectiveness of his forgiveness methods on a variety of populations. According to Dr Luskin, very few people actually choose to forgive when people hurt them, because “no one has taught us how to forgive”. <br />
<br />
<b>Scarred by emotions</b><br />
<b></b>Learning to forgive does not occur naturally, acknowledges Teresa Jacob*, a 30-something media strategist and trained Bharatanatyam dancer in Mumbai. Jacob has always been super successful. Till she learnt that love can be color blind. Jacob was in a five-year relationship with a colleague. They belonged to the same community but her boyfriend's mother, a retired school headmistress, considered Jacob 'inferior' to her son--because Jacob is from a sub-caste in her community and because the prospective mother-in-law felt her skin tone showed her “loose character”. <br />
<br />
Teresa Jacob, you see, has flawless mocha-coloured skin. Never mind that her boyfriend too has a nutbrown skintone. The rejection and the harsh words, plunged Jacob into depression. “I couldn't work, I had crying bouts, I was plagued by self-doubt,” she admits. But she fought her way back to feeling whole again, yoga and meditation helped the healing. She broke up with the boyfriend. And she forgave him. “I was bitter about him, his family. Then I realised that was doing me more harm,” she explains. Today, she works as a consultant, and runs her own dance company. “I don't have the time to brood or feel bitter,” says Jacob. And she hopes she will meet a special someone, someday. <br />
<br />
<b>Redefine yourself, your life </b><br />
Dr Vijay Nagaswami, Chennai-based psychiatrist, author, relationship counsellor and columnist, meets many people like Jacob who tell him they are happier after 'moving on', be it in terms of forgiving a partner, coming to grips with a painful reality, or giving up a stressful job to follow a true passion. “You 'let go' to enhance the quality of your own life. The process is as important as the outcome, since the introspection you engage in, gives you more insight into yourself. And these insights usher in a process of healing,” stresses Dr Nagaswami. <br />
<br />
<b>Break free of fears </b><br />
In the case of Saleela Kappan in Bangalore, choosing risk over resting on her laurels, proved immensely rewarding. Though she hails from a highly conservative community, where women wear traditional garb, Kappan opts to not cover her head, and wears tasteful sarees, or signature Westerns. She lives life on her own terms in a country where a single and successful woman is even now viewed at with both suspicion and pity. Saleela, in her late 30s, runs her own company, RED Communications, a PR (public relations) consultancy in Bangalore. “I have always chosen challenge over comfort,” she admits. <br />
<br />
A former client-turned-friend had assured her he would invest in her company. “But after I drew up the necessary paperwork (for starting a partnership), he changed his mind. So I started off with almost no investment,” recalls Kappan. That first step was agonizing, to leave a steady, paying job, not knowing what the future held. “But it has changed my life. Many former clients approached me for their PR needs, numerous friends referred clients to me... it was like the Universe was trying to help me,” says Kappan. Seven years on, every day is a learning experience--both good and bad. “Irrespective of what happens, if you feel it is right in your heart, go ahead and do it,” she adds. <br />
<br />
<b>Forgive to feel healthier</b><br />
The stress and the soul searching Jacob and Kappan went through led them to heal themselves, in body, mind and spirit. Because researchers now know that moving on can positively impact your health and happiness. An article in Harvard Womens' Health Watch in 2005 noted that forgiveness reduces stress, improves heart health, helps you build stronger relationships, reduces pain and anxiety, and increases happiness. <br />
<br />
<b>What's more, you can learn to forgive</b><br />
Dr Fred Luskin's Forgiveness Project teaches people how to forgive. Here is a simplified version of his program:<br />
1. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and no one else. <br />
2. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning their action. Forgiveness can be defined as taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story. <br />
3. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings. <br />
4. At the moment you feel upset, practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body’s flight or fight response. <br />
5. Give up expecting things from other people that they do not choose to give you. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them. <br />
6. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Don't mentally replay your hurt, seek out new ways to get what you want. <br />
7. Look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power. <br />
8. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive. <br />
(Source: <a href="http://learningtoforgive.com/">http://learningtoforgive.com/</a><br />
<br />
<br />
* name changed<br />
<i>Note: This the unedited, original version of my article published in the June 2014 issue of Prevention India</i><br />
-------------------------------<div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-41456561728177346222014-07-10T17:49:00.000+05:302014-07-11T09:41:37.742+05:30Bunking school and other storiesLast night, big man and I stayed up till 3 am to watch the Argentina-Netherlands football match. And before we slept, he and I had a brief conversation. "Let him bunk school," said he. "No, I don't want him to miss school, when he is perfectly well and able," insisted me. <br />
<br />
Naturally, I woke up to regret that.<br />
<br />
Got out of bed fuzzy, woolly-headed and utterly disoriented. But also filled with what-a-worthy-mom-am-I pride. I'd had barely three hours of sleep, after all. And there I was doing my best to ensure that my child went to school well-fed, healthy and on time. What an amazing parent I was being, I told myself. <br />
<br />
Then sitting in the loo, trying to shake the cloudiness from my head, I hear a tinny voice reciting numbers. It's Ayush, our security man Naveen Bahadur's four-year-old. Naveen, his wife Nirmala, Ayush and their new baby boy live in a room in our building basement. And since our flat is a ground floor one, we hear practically everything that goes on with Naveen's family. Every morning I hear Ayush sleepily throw tantrums, wanting his ma's attention, while she, tired out from tending to her newborn, tries to be patient. I don't know how she does it.<br />
<br />
So this morning, what I hear is Ayush reciting his numbers, ''1, 2, 3, 4, 5...'' he says determinedly. Its 7 am, mind you. And Nirmala's newborn is just about a month old. (She told me recently that the baby tends to wake up around 3.30 am and drift in and out of sleep. Since she is also nursing, I can imagine what kind of a physical, emotional and mental strain she is going through right now.) Ayush has recited till 13 or 14 and gets stuck. Then I hear Nirmala prompt him '15, 16,..." she says and he goes on from there. He goes up to 20 or something. Then I don't hear any more, because I suddenly decide then and there that I will get everything ready for little man's breakfast and snack. <br />
<br />
This is not the first time I've heard Nirmala being totally hands-on with Ayush. In May, when she was (she is a tiny 4' 11' in height) totally big and uncomfortable in her pregnancy (the last trimester is horrible as all moms-to-be know), I used to see her sit with Ayush and make him practise his writing. How she did that I don't know. In May, I had not bothered to make sure our little guy did any writing. To tell the truth, I was then more keen on making sure he went to summer camp and got out of my hair! Anyway, seeing her do this made me feel extremely guilty so I too dug out some of little man's old writing books and made him do some writing exercises. That made me feel a little better.<br />
<br />
Big man and I are fortunate to have choices. We chose to stay up, and we even toyed with the idea of letting our child bunk school so we could sleep in a bit. But for Naveen and Nirmala, there is no choice, really. They need their child to do well at school.<br />
<br />
Which is why they will do everything they can, to make that happen.<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-61619270943626046552014-07-03T09:46:00.001+05:302014-07-03T09:46:42.687+05:30In spite of the Gods<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0ZeDRmGXrrVa8otHk49P1BJUBQXNLo8TW1pgMfOx3duS5FijPlgiFglrf6toPYpH00hEzBn0xUHvLaxK_IGkFFC7IeXmxZnD5vxJqwI580XY7DQ8HduhdjwJLJI-Ki_pfN9vjs_579_c/s1600/Photo0012(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0ZeDRmGXrrVa8otHk49P1BJUBQXNLo8TW1pgMfOx3duS5FijPlgiFglrf6toPYpH00hEzBn0xUHvLaxK_IGkFFC7IeXmxZnD5vxJqwI580XY7DQ8HduhdjwJLJI-Ki_pfN9vjs_579_c/s1600/Photo0012(1).jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Godliness...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHIpE-zqbX-Za8I9f-VRpSnW3ZvNCHbVUqd5hU_tcS_iwuJenoehxJTnUjw07H6TYYGZSDIntfRJmDNPd2wphCEw1qfoDpicFLewNCwiBjgt2cv5PD0sWpFu4Rg1HiYb5i0brIU-fXg3g/s1600/In+spite+of+the+Gods+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHIpE-zqbX-Za8I9f-VRpSnW3ZvNCHbVUqd5hU_tcS_iwuJenoehxJTnUjw07H6TYYGZSDIntfRJmDNPd2wphCEw1qfoDpicFLewNCwiBjgt2cv5PD0sWpFu4Rg1HiYb5i0brIU-fXg3g/s1600/In+spite+of+the+Gods+2.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">... not next to cleanliness</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Courier 10 Pitch;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">There's
a road very close to my home, which thousands of commuters use every
day. As roads go by it is nothing special, not extra wide or
four-laned or nicely tarred, even. It's just a linking road, a few
hundred metres in length. A redeveloped slum dominates one end of it;
at the other, are some indistinguishable homes, a few small
businesses and the local Bescom office. Pedestrians invariably have a
tough time navigating this road, especially the part that goes past
the slum. For there is always traffic whizzing past, children playing
about, running helter skelter unmindful of the vehicles rushing past,
and worse, you cannot help but gag at the amount of garbage strewn on
the road. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Courier 10 Pitch;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">In
short, it is very much like many other roads across Bengaluru. At the
same time, this road is the perfect example of how piety scores over
both poverty and priorities. There are three shrines on this short
stretch of tarmac (there's a temple near the Bescom office but I'm
not including that because it's not technically on this particular
road). The oldest of the 'holy' places, is one dedicated to the
figure revered as 'Amman'. A few metres down is a Muthu Mariamman
temple. This sprang into being over a year ago and is located beside
the slum. And across the road from this is an even newer entry,
currently under development. A huge banner outside the structure
urges devotees to donate anything (money, cement bricks, sand...) to
help build the temple. That the pious readily oblige is obvious, this
new shrine is coming up at a blistering pace. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier 10 Pitch;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Poverty
versus priorities</b></span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Courier 10 Pitch;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Not
surprisingly, the temples are oceans of cleanliness, all the more
ludicrous because of the garbage strewn nearby. In fact, I've seen
the slum residents take great pride in polishing the exteriors of the
Muthu Mariamman temple, and sweeping it's surroundings clean of
debris and dirt. Their dedication is all the more surprising because
the rest of the road is basically a dump. Every evening, this stretch
becomes a stinking mass of plastic, rotting food, animal excreta (and
often, human waste too). </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Courier 10 Pitch;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Worse,
there are about 30-odd children living in the slum. Most don't wear
shoes, or slippers, some of the younger ones don't even possess
underwear. How do I know that? Because I see them everyday--living,
playing, fighting, eating, and yes, sleeping, in the midst of all
this garbage. And their parents? Their parents are the same people
who keep the shrine so scrupulously clean. But they don't care that
their children go about without proper clothes or footwear. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier 10 Pitch;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>The
Gods must be crazy</b></span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Courier 10 Pitch;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Do
the slum residents prefer to be pious rather than prioritise on
necessities such as clean clothes, stout shoes, and good food for
their children? Actually it's not the slum residents' fault. We are
all like that, says Meera Nanda, a Delhi-based academic. In her 2009
book 'The God Market' she argues that India, as a whole, has become a
remarkably god-fearing land, where pilgramages and piety is prized
much more than public institutions such as schools. “India now has
2.5 million places of worship, but only 1.5 million schools and
barely 75,000 hospitals,” is what Nanda says in her book. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier 10 Pitch;"><span style="font-size: small;">So,
just like the rest of India, the residents of this road have now become an increasingly god-fearing lot. </span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier 10 Pitch;"><span style="font-size: small;">Pity about the garbage, though. </span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-73206960257949757972014-06-19T09:59:00.000+05:302018-02-27T11:57:24.616+05:30Of builders, bungalows and 'Not for Sale' boards<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTIemnwKbDwuGThxbxIA5kkFZBvDb9Yu_Qt6BdVogjySEA7X2gg4ymKXK83uI51vFnO4JjibX7bMGHe3xr5XdJk_Y1Eq2FvLvOHghlY6jHbESm3KaMBqFyDa1sX-KAU2uXRaK2qoQ2_Ik/s1600/WP_20140617_18_02_46_Pro.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTIemnwKbDwuGThxbxIA5kkFZBvDb9Yu_Qt6BdVogjySEA7X2gg4ymKXK83uI51vFnO4JjibX7bMGHe3xr5XdJk_Y1Eq2FvLvOHghlY6jHbESm3KaMBqFyDa1sX-KAU2uXRaK2qoQ2_Ik/s1600/WP_20140617_18_02_46_Pro.jpg" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A sign I found on a private property on Spencer Road</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY_qcUH0PNGVoDr6NJD0pnpawXr1Tb9rsnxiRAWK0s7ikYr2-P9Fc1IqB9SgG2t68dE_VfflBH_4UjIZP0rE31X1SlWTa7ywEMNYVSAxNCD7c7SCUJwGH0FB4XxcZLiasWh61oL4xuhGs/s1600/Bungalows+(for+Connected+Lives).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY_qcUH0PNGVoDr6NJD0pnpawXr1Tb9rsnxiRAWK0s7ikYr2-P9Fc1IqB9SgG2t68dE_VfflBH_4UjIZP0rE31X1SlWTa7ywEMNYVSAxNCD7c7SCUJwGH0FB4XxcZLiasWh61oL4xuhGs/s1600/Bungalows+(for+Connected+Lives).jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The sign says it all: A bungalow in the Cantonment area in Bengaluru</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">The
quaint names, the tree-lined streets, the quiet roads and most
important, the bungalows make the Cantonment area, a sure-shot target
for real estate 'developers'. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">My
husband and I moved here ten years ago because of this old world
charm--we loved the serene areas in and around Cooke Town, the streets
adjoining Mosque Road, the hidden gems around Richards Park. But now
standalone homes, of every size, from stately bungalows to
matchbox-shaped houses, are morphing into apartment buildings. And the
end result is a sandwiched existence. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Take
Davis Road for instance, where I live. Our building is a co-development
project, a pact between the original owner and a builder (thankfully,
the original structure was not a bungalow). Over the years, more
co-development apartments have sprung up around us. In fact, now the
buildings are so closely packed together, that we residents are forced
to unwillingly participate in each other's joys and sorrows, listen to
each other fight and make up, cry or celebrate. A rather uncomfortable
way to live, really. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">On
the other hand, life is infinitely more difficult for those who own
houses and bungalows (with the term 'bungalow' referring to homes with
the distinctive architecture of old Bangalore--latticed porches, monkey
tops, high ceilings, verandahs and a garden/yard). Because often,
builders try to get owners to sell, even when they don't want to. I
witnessed this first hand, many years ago, when I had gone to visit the
late (retd) Admiral Dawson. Admiral Dawson's beautiful bungalow off
Viviani Road, is just a hop and skip away from Richards Park. A piece of
old Bangalore history and unfortunately, also prime property. That day,
a builders' scout/agent was there, urging the Admiral to sell. The
elderly gentleman had refused point blank but the agent was incredibly
persistent. And that was years ago. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Pricey, not precious?</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Now
the pressure on owners is much more intense. Because Cooke Town and
it's surroundings are now among the priciest areas in Bengaluru.
Well-designed, spacious 10-year-old apartments here command prices of Rs
1 crore to Rs 1.5 crore so you can imagine how lucrative a business it
is to build new apartments. So harassed owners have been putting up
little notices on their gates and walls that declare 'This House is Not
For Sale'. Such notices are now more visible than ever--I spotted them
on a bungalow between Moore and Robertson Roads, on private property
near Spencer Road, and on a majestic bungalow near Thom's Cafe. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">In the Cantonment area, when owners are away for a while, </span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">their homes slowly become overgrown with vegetation. </span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">T</span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">hese bungalows </span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">then </span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">end
up attracting the aggressive attention of builders' agents/scouts. In
some cases, the owners get easily intimidated and are pressured into
selling their property. In other instances, the owners do want to move
on, because they believe living in an apartment is safer then being on
their own. So the situation is a complex one. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Not a new problem</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">This
clash of commerce and culture, as it were, is not new. The
disappearance of the city's distinctive bungalows has been a source of
concern for years. In 1994, the late former Chief Secretary, T.P.Issar
(old copies of his book 'The City Beautiful' are available for $25 to
$70 online!); the late Bangalore Urban Art Commission Chairman,
M.A.Parthasarthy; and the late culture activist, Naomi Meadows, wanted a
state heritage conservation commission set up to “selectively preserve
important heritage sites in Bangalore and elsewhere.” In 2002, I had the
opportunity to speak with Mr. Issar while reporting on heritage
conservation for The Hindu newspaper. Mr. Issar stressed that he and the
others had sought special focus on private property such as old
bungalows in the city. ``Now they (bungalows) are almost wiped out. We
thought the commission could acquire at least 10 of them as symbols of a
culture gone by," was what he said, then. For my original article in
The Hindu newspaper, click here: <a href="http://www.hindu.com/2002/06/14/stories/2002061408630300.htm">http://www.hindu.com/2002/06/14/stories/2002061408630300.htm</a></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Nothing
came of the trio's recommendations and I don't know if such a
commission would have actually been effective. But don't you think the
three heritage enthusiasts would have been anguished at the state of the
city and it's bungalows?</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "century schoolbook l" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">(This is from: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "century schoolbook l" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://bangalore.citizenmatters.in/blogs/connected-lives/blog_posts/of-builders-bungalows-and-not-for-sale-boards">http://bangalore.citizenmatters.in/blogs/connected-lives/blog_posts/of-builders-bungalows-and-not-for-sale-boards</a>)</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-37092579479778358802014-06-15T11:42:00.000+05:302014-06-15T14:15:41.002+05:30Riding the wind--on wheels of change<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>A lifestyle statement, or a lifetime commitment?</b></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6VId-iyEtIzzNPRkh6b-oN5dlo8L3F2HnwHWXvM5ZviJFW0OK6jb_qxo0zDMehBvejMOYbYLxI9OI_dBxZGqDok92Fl1Oualg-f1mL6ljkNbgTK9QpbwGgxv06DujkSI2OBRY-gfytqI/s1600/Us+three.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6VId-iyEtIzzNPRkh6b-oN5dlo8L3F2HnwHWXvM5ZviJFW0OK6jb_qxo0zDMehBvejMOYbYLxI9OI_dBxZGqDok92Fl1Oualg-f1mL6ljkNbgTK9QpbwGgxv06DujkSI2OBRY-gfytqI/s1600/Us+three.jpg" height="226" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">L to R--Greg, Wendy Barreto and Rohit Sudharshan during their B'lore-Goa riding trip</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyHF8sOVW6VYJZVDcmyNPDo9phgHUttUIMtA_BovPlaFxRJHnnLmAOoS4Z8y3Bs4Xk8xgezpnE4lerrAvv87atsiJPv8CI4SWG1fXrRKT1yZfWhCujI7ykltJLsQsPOivO6Aq1EuxjCNE/s1600/5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyHF8sOVW6VYJZVDcmyNPDo9phgHUttUIMtA_BovPlaFxRJHnnLmAOoS4Z8y3Bs4Xk8xgezpnE4lerrAvv87atsiJPv8CI4SWG1fXrRKT1yZfWhCujI7ykltJLsQsPOivO6Aq1EuxjCNE/s1600/5.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A rider doing the Tour of Nilgiris last year</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When
Gregory Barreto (now 31) told his wife Wendy (now 29) that he wanted
to cycle from Bengaluru to Goa, her first thought was: “Are you out
of your mind!” </span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Then
she warmed to the idea and the incredible challenge it offered. The
couple knew they must train to test their endurance for the 560 km
distance they plannned to cover. “But we really didn't practice
regularly. Once, we cycled to Nandi Hills (about 60 kms from
Bengaluru city), came back home, and basically collapsed,” recalled
Wendy Barreto.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Did
they really have it in them to do the Goa trip? </span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In
January last year, the couple, accompanied by close friend Rohit
Sudharshan, achieved what they thought would be
near-impossible--cycle from Bengaluru to Palolem in south Goa, with a
stopover at Gokarna (Karnataka-Goa border). They took five days to
reach Palolem, rested for a couple of days and then bused it back to
Bengaluru. “We rode on borrowed bikes and our budget was tight, we
slept in roadside hotels/lodges every night. But the journey was
absolutely amazing, we learnt a lot, about ourselves,” is how the
couple, who run Riprap, a landscaping/fabrication/carpentary
business, describe the experience. </span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
Barretos and Sudharshan (a chef) are part of a growing breed of
cyclists in Bengaluru, who are rediscovering and re-learning the joys
of riding the world on a bicycle. So popular is biking that the city
has a 'Cycle Day' on the last Sunday of every month, organised by the
Department of Urban Land Transport along with cycling communities.
Bengaluru is also home to everything cycling related--from cycling
tours, conducted holidays and pub-visits (by Red Spokes Cycling), to
bicycle stores the customise your ride for you (Bums on the saddle,
Cyclists for Life, Track and Trail), to bicycle sharing initatives
such as the Namma Cycle project underway on the Indian Institute of
Science campus. And then of course there is the Tour of Nilgiris
(TfN), India's longest and toughest cyclosportive event, conducted
from and based in Bengaluru. </span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Bengaluru
on a bike</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
city has always had a cycling culture, said Sridhar Pabbisetty,
co-founder TfN. “In the '80s and '90s, cycles were our primary
means of transport. Motorbikes were acquired only when you started
working,” he explained. Bengaluru's weather played a huge role too,
“...it is (or rather used to be), suitable for cycling through the
year. The city's tree-lined streets and many lakes inherently
enouraged cycling,” he said. </span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Rohan
Kini, founder of the evocatively-named BumsOnTheSaddle (BOTS), a bike
store, marketplace and biking community hub, concurred. Having set up
BOTS in 2006, Kini has seen the biking culture revive and well, take
off. The former techie loves cycling and aims to spread the love
across India. “It is a misconception that biking is unsafe. As a
techie, I biked 25 kms every day for five years and never had an
accident,” he said. Kini, through BOTS, organises night rides
across the city and conducts the monthly Bangalore Biking
Championships. And the BOTS blog regularly features people who live
and love cycling. Similarly,
brother-sister duo Zubin and Shaina Jagtiani, believe everything is
so much more fun on a bicycle, including holidays. So they launched
Red Spokes Cycling, an eco tour company in January-February this
year. The Jagtianis kicked off their venture with a biking trip to a
vineyard near Mysore. Now they hold regular Pub Crawls within
Bengaluru where they tie up with pubs in Bengaluru for rides that
include dinner, 'light' drinks, and fun. A safe taxi ride back home
is part of the programme. Post the monsoon, the Jagtianis hope to
expand their eco tours to other parts of India, and even, go
international. </span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Zest
for life, zero pollution, and the zen of giving back....</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div align="left" class="western" style="border: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">For
bikers, the bicycle represents freewheeling, free spirited living,
and a fitness-oriented, fuel-free experience. But why this resurgence
in biking? Zubin Jagtiani reckons that being in the rat race is
taking its toll. “People yearn for a time when the journey was more
important than the destination. Cycling gives you that opportunity.
Because, on a cycle, you have no choice but to go slow. And when you
go slow, you have no choice but to look around and enjoy the
surroundings.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Apart
from those who commute on a cycle or bike for fitness, Pabbisetty
estimates that Bengaluru is home to around 5,000-6,000 hardcore
bikers. These are the people who live to ride, and who take part in
TfN. Pabbisetty and three partners started TfN six years ago. The
event covers a distance of nearly 900 kms and is held every December.
Last year, over a 100 riders went on a route criss crossing Karnataka,
Kerala and Tamil Nadu through the Bandipur, Wayanad and Mudumalai
wildlife sanctuaries. What makes TfN even more special is that the
riders also raise money for five-six organisations across India. “We
aim to rekindle the sporting spirit and groom future Olympic-level
cyclists by providing tribal children with the means and the
opportunity to develop their skill and talent,” Pabbisetty
explained. </span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>From
simple to sophisticated</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Naturally,
the bike is no longer a simple, self--propelled two-wheeler. Bikes
now come with carbon frames, titanium alloys and all kinds of new age
space tech materials. There are different kinds of bikes--mountain,
road, hybrid, touring and folding; and many brands--from Specialized,
Trek, Cannondale, Kona, Dahon, Bianchi, Bergamont, Schwinn, GT,
Mongoose and Montra, to the more familiar Hercules, Hero, BSA and
Firefox. Prices range from Rs 3,000-5,000 to Rs 7 lakh or more. There
are sophisticated add-ons too, from ergonomic helmets and saddles to
riding-friendly water bottles and the appropriate riding gear. </span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So
is cycling out of reach for the common man? Not at all, stressed
Kini, Jagtiani and others in the cycling community. “You don't have
to buy an expensive bike, rent one, and give cycling a shot,” said
Kini. Jagtiani added: “Unlike running, you can cycle in shorts,
pants, jeans, wearing sandals, slippers, formal shoes or sports
shoes. Unless you are cycling professionally or long distance,
special attire is not required.” </span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And
those who cycle, term it a special kind of high. Wendy and Greg
Barreto, in fact, loved their long-distance trip to Goa so much that
they now plan a riding trip to Mudumalai. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
open road, your ride and a riding partner. What more do you need?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://www.thehindu.com/features/magazine/wheels-of-change/article6111390.ece?homepage=true">(http://www.thehindu.com/features/magazine/wheels-of-change/article6111390.ece?homepage=true</a>)</span>
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</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-92034980542440381182014-06-03T16:07:00.003+05:302014-06-05T15:14:22.461+05:30Put more 'play' into your 'day'<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Not long ago, Amy Vodraska was a 100%, bona fide grown-up. She was taking care of two kids, a husband, and a job and working toward her master's. Her nose was so pressed to the grindstone, it's a miracle it wasn't sharpened to a point.<br /><br />And then something happened. Amy Vodraska cracked. "It hit me that I was spending all my time doing what I was supposed to do. I thought, Am I ever allowed to have fun again?" <br /><br />So, in the midst of her all-work-and-no-play crisis, the Boonton, NJ, woman signed up for one horseback-riding lesson a week. She had ridden as a kid and had given it up in college. "As soon as I climbed back on a horse, I felt my shoulders disconnect from my earlobes--and I realized how much fun I had been missing," she says.<br /><br />Fast-forward a few years and you'll find Vodraska, now 43, riding and even playing tag in the ring with Sugar, her Royal Dutch Warmblood, at least four times a week. "Just putting my face in her shoulder makes me feel joy," says Vodraska. "There's no point to it at all--it's just a lot of fun."<br /><br />Add Vodraska to the list of grown-ups headed to adult playgrounds, signing up for Laughter Yoga, or watching funny animal videos on Buzzfeed. Cyndi Lauper, who is closing in on the big 6-0, was right: Girls just want to have fun. Not only that, say the experts--women and men both need to. <br /><br /><b>FROM TOTALLY DRIVEN, TO TOTO THE AUTO</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Preeti Vyas used to be just as motived and insanely busy, as Amy. As Business Head at the Future Group in Mumbai, Vyas was extremely driven. Then she and husband Amish Tripathi (author of the hugely popular Shiva trilogy), became parents to son Neel. “We had our baby after seven years of marriage, after I'd been working for 13 years. Fully prepared to go back to work, Vyas didn't account for a magical experience--she fell in love. “The joy and happiness I experienced seeing and being with Neel stunned me,” Vyas recalls. <br /><br />So she decided to spend cherished time with Neel and also focus on something she had always wanted to do--set up FunOKPlease Publishing in 2010, for “the curious little Indian”. From being totally committed to her job, Vyas went to publishing childrens' books featuring lovable characters like Toto the Auto. “I love what I do, it is so much fun. Because work is play, there's no need to de-stress, there is no pressure. What drives me now is the need to make FunOKPlease commercially viable so I can keep doing what I love,” says Vyas. <br /><br />Work now involves brainstorming on new ideas for books, going with Neel to do reading sessions for her company's newest titles, and creating characters like Palli, a girl auto as a foil to Toto, the boy auto. Most days, both Vyas and Tripathi are home (incidentally, Vyas was the one who urged Tripathi to quit his regular job and focus on writing) with their son. “I think Neel will grow up believing his parents never worked at corporate jobs in their life,” she laughs. <br /><br />Vyas followed her heart and the wonderful thing is, she has fun doing it. How can you do that too? Becoming 'play'ful may be a start.<br /><br /><b>PLAYING FOR YOUR HEALTH</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><br /></b>Because life without fun and games isn't just dull--it's downright unhealthy. "Our research has shown that when women get out there and play, the benefits are amazing," says Careen Yarnal, PhD, an associate professor of recreation, park, and tourism management at Penn State University. "They cope better with stress, which sets up protective mechanisms that contribute to health and well-being. And if they play with others, it creates bonding and they get the benefit of social support, as well. Just as we know play is healthy for children, helping them blow off steam, learn, experiment, and make friends, we're finding the same to be true for adult women. When it comes to stress prevention, play is like wearing a suit of armor."<br /><br />Unfortunately, many of us have become disconnected from the concept of fun. Increasingly, experts are saying that midlife is where fun goes to die. Our lives are so structured and serious that "there is often no room for spontaneity," says Stuart Brown, MD, a professor emeritus of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, and president of the National Institute for Play. "You're probably responsible, a hard worker, a moral person, and very involved with taking care of kids, parents, other people. But when you're not experiencing playful moments, you're not honoring your own need for unfettered joy."<br /><br />Are you so far gone that you need a definition of fun? Here's one: "Anything that connects us with our childlike energy and joy counts as fun," says Susan Biali, MD, the author of Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />Are you saying "sign me up" yet? If it's been a long time since you had any fun, check out these 12 easy ways to work a little more play into every day.<br /><br /><b>1. ADD LITTLE JOLTS OF JOY</b><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Dr. Biali, stressed out from patching up stabbed gang members in the emergency room, found her happiness fix in flamenco dancing, but, she says, "the idea that you have to take up some new hobby to be happy can create its own kind of pressure." If not flamenco, at least add a little fun to your everyday. Stop checking email over the weekend. Spend a few moments tickling your little boy or girl and revel in the glorious peals of laughter that result. Why not tickle Daddy too? And while on the subject of touch, wake a little early and indulge in cozy cuddling time. Who knows, that may even end up becoming something oh-so-satisfying. <br /><br /><br /><b>2. FIND YOUR INNER FINGER PAINTER</b><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You know that feeling of being so engrossed in something enjoyable that you lose track of time? Psychologists call that flow, an experience so pleasant that nothing else seems to exist. It can come from anything that absorbs you, from biking to knitting to devouring a Stephen King thriller. These engrossing leisure pursuits are the secret to ageing well. And a pursuit can be anything that you embrace openly, says Bangalore-based psychiatrist Dr Prabha Chandra. “I just read about a new group of bathroom singers and I thought what a wonderful idea that is. There's no pressure to perform. It's just something the group loves doing. Do stuff like working with clay, get your hands muddy. Or do spray painting. Take up something where there's no high degree of technique involved, else it can end up being about achieving perfection. The goal is to to do something for yourself,” Dr Chandra says. <br /><br /><b>3. BOND OVER HOUSEWORK</b><br /><br />Cooking meals, doing the dishes and folding clothes day after day can get you down. And yes, there's resentment brewing deep inside because you're doing it all by yourself. No wonder Darby Saxbe, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of Southern California, concludes: "Housework is bad for your health." So, why not get the family involved? List everyone's duties on the refrigerator. Get the children to help you bake cookies, cut funny shapes in the dough, get them familiar with the kitchen. It'll pay off. When Priya Bhaskar, a homemaker and volunteer teacher, and her husband celebrated their anniversary recently, their 11-year-old daughter and seven-year-old son surprised them with breakfast in bed-- toast, jam, eggs and yes, orange juice on the side. An act so simple, and with such joyful consequences. <br /><br /><b>4. PAINT IT YELLOW</b><br /><br />Researchers at the University of Glasgow, in the UK, studied quilters and report that in addition to the well-being that comes from the sense of flow of their craft, the women get mood boosts from the colors of the fabrics used. A 2010 study in the journal BMC Medical Research Methodology showed people with depression or anxiety are more likely to associate their mood with the color gray, while happier people preferred yellow. So go on, embrace color--sport fuchsia on your nails, ruby reds on your lips, neon on your clothes and accessories. And dress up your walls in warm tones. <br /><br /><b>5. WORK THE TEAM SPIRIT</b><br /><br />Who says work has to be serious? The people at Bangalore-based recreation company The Fuller Life (TFL) definitely don't think so. TFL works with companies to bring fun back to work. And they do this through contests (Antakshari, anyone?), sports, quizzes, Dumb Charades, treasure hunts, karaoke competitions, anything really that will get people to lighten up. Founder and CEO Arvind Krishnan says his company's philosophy 'One Life, Do More' “...is not about doing everything you can or cluttering your life. It's about doing what you love.” And his co-workers at TFL have certainly embraced that. One day, a bunch of them stood on a street corner in Bangalore holding placards saying 'Free Hugs', 'Are You Happy?' 'Keep Calm and Be Happy'. Passers by got smiling. Even the bemused traffic policeman the group stood next to, couldn't help laughing. <br /><br /><b>6. CRACK SOME JOKES</b><br /><br />While there's been plenty of research on what happens when people make us laugh, Melissa Wanzer, EdD, a communications professor at Cassius College, wanted to learn more about the health benefits of being the funny one. So she started tracking a trait she calls humor orientation, or HO. "We classify people as either high HO, moderate HO, low HO, or no HO," she deadpans. But the perks of making others laugh are no joke: "People who use more humor, even if that means lame wisecracks, perceive themselves as more effective at coping with stress, more competent communicators, and less lonely." They get more social support too. "People want to be around funny people, and that support may generate additional psychological benefits, including higher self-esteem," she says.<b><br /><br />7. TURN UP THE MUSIC</b><br /><br />Music is one of the fastest ways to switch from serious to playful, says Dr. Biali. "We respond physically. It's the quickest way to get us out of our heads and into our bodies," she says. Dr Chandra knows what she's talking about. “I listen to FM channels while driving and sometimes, I sing along, loudly. And listening to chatty Radio Jockeys, makes me laugh out loud at their silliness,” she says. Besides, music is therapeutic too, says hypnotherapist at VIMHANS, Delhi, Simrita Chaudhry. “Music elevates the mood. It is linked to happy thoughts. A particular tune or song can take us back to our childhood. And music stimulates the brain and leads our bodies to produce positive hormones and chemicals,” Chaudhry explains. <br /><br /><b>8. GAME YOUR SWEETIE</b><br /><br />While we may not think of spouses as constant playmates, they probably were when we chose them: Penn State researchers have shown that when dating, adults rank playfulness and humor high on their lists of desired qualities. Borrow one of your kids' video games (Wii Tennis and Guitar Hero are both highly rated for couples) or leave a deck of cards or your old favorite board game on the coffee table and see what happens. <b><br /><br />9. BE A KID AGAIN</b><br /><br />Embrace your inner child and conquer your fears of the Ferris Wheel and the Roller Coaster. Or make a bold, possibly potentially career-destroying move, to start doodling again. For a living. That's what banker-turned illustrator, Alicia Crescencia Souza did. After a stint as a banker abroad, she relocated to India, worked with lifestyle brand Chumbak as an illustrator and now, freelances as an in-demand doodler. Her happy creations are sassy, their messages saucy. “Have a passion that engulfs you--something that keeps your mind moving and your eyes really looking. Take that forward, bring that to life. Then you're ready to make it your 'job' though it never will be just a 'job'” she adds.<br /><br /><b>10. JUST SAY "AWW"</b><br /><br />The Internet doesn't really offer any new twists on fun, says Pamela Rutledge, PhD, director of the Media Psychology Research Center. "People have long loved reading the funny papers or listening to recorded comedy. It's just made it so much more accessible." Post the videos/images you love via Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest for bonus health points: Dr. Rutledge says sharing what made you smile intensifies the benefits. Dr Chandra concurs. “I laugh a lot viewing these videos and I share them--on social media, on What'sApp,” she says. Grown-ups have this image of being poker-faced and serious. “Let go and laugh out loud,” adds Dr Chandra. And don't forget to share stuff that makes you feel positive and inspired. Pay it forward, so to speak. <br /><br /><b>11. FITTING IN FUN AND FITNESS</b><br /><br />New York City recently built an adult playground, complete with monkey bars and balance beams. Because skipping, hopscotch, and hula-hooping in a park sure beat working out on the elliptical for 30 minutes any day--and they all burn calories. Okay reality is there may not be too many play parks for grown-ups in India. But fitting in fitness can take just an alarm clock. Ask Dr Sheela Nambiar, author, gynecologist, obstetrician and fitness consultant. Dr Nambiar runs TFL Inc. (Training for Life), a fitness studio in Chennai. And along with her gynecologist mom, Dr Nambiar also runs a nursing home in Ootacamund. When she is in Ooty, every Sunday, Dr Nambiar is up at 5 am organizing walkathons and bike rides in the Nilgiris mountains. Exploring hidden trails and getting to see the mountains bathed in glorious morning light, makes the jarring wake-up call and sleep deprivation worthwhile, she says. <br /><br /><b>12. GO ON, GET OUT</b><br /><br />Everyday stuff getting you low? Why not pack your bags and leave your worries behind? Travel is a shared passion for Preeti Vyas and Amish Tripathi. “We are not high-maintenance and we don't need designer stuff to live on. We travel,” says Vyas. Traveling as a family can be enriching. That's how memories are made. But wait, getting together with your girl pals can also be a whole lot of fun. Sumitra Senapaty, founder of women-only (she does women-and-children packages as well) travel club Women on Wanderlust knows just how exhilarating and yes, liberating, that kind of travel can be. Delhi-based Senapaty used to be a travel writer. “Women constantly told me how much they envied me. They said social constraints and fears over security and safety held them back. The WOW Club takes the stress and strain out of travel to help women re-discover themselves,” adds Senapaty, a woman who juggles the roles of mother, wife and entrepreneur, with ease. Because she loves what she does. And she has fun doing it. <br /><br />(<i>Yep, I wrote the 'Indian' portions for this article that appeared in the print version of Prevention India last year)</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://www.thefullerlife.com/welcome/">http://www.thefullerlife.com </a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/tfl.trainingforlife">https://www.facebook.com/tfl.trainingforlife</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://www.wowclub.in/">http://www.wowclub.in/</a> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://funokplease.in/#2">http://funokplease.in/#2</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://aliciasouza.com/">https://aliciasouza.com/</a> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-37518865748578956082014-05-26T17:55:00.001+05:302014-07-23T14:31:40.781+05:30The pleasure principle<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.21cm; direction: ltr; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); widows: 2; orphans: 2; }p.western { font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; }p.cjk { font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; }p.ctl { font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; }a:link { }</style>
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">No calorie counting, no food groups to avoid--just you enjoying each
and every bite while the weight melts off. Sounds too good to be
true? Read on.
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">When was the last time you dug into
a plate of utterly flavorful biriyani without a sliver of guilt
casting a lingering shadow? When did you last revel in the sensation
of a chocolate truffle melting across your tongue or savor the
sweetness of sun ripened strawberries? If you've </span>been
struggling to lose the weight that's slowly crept on you thanks to
changing hormones and a stalled metabolism, your answer is probably
"rarely" or "never." What if you could indulge in
your favorite foods without a single thought for how many calories,
grams of fat, or carbs they contain--and still lose weight?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Well, Jena la Flamme, a weight loss expert in New York City, says you
can do just that. The secret: Learn to work with your body's innate,
biological need for pleasure. Indeed, science has shown that the
desire for pleasure is embedded in our DNA and causes us to seek out
the feel-good sensation multiple times a day. la Flamme believes that
if you're overweight, “there's a good chance that you're pleasure
deprived and have been using food--a fast and easy pleasure hit--as a
substitute for play, joy, and sensuality." She says the key to
reaching your healthy weight is to embrace a variety of things that
tap into that happy brain chemistry--not just food but friendships,
movement, music, art, relaxation, and love." She does this
through Pleasurable Weight Loss, a program that trains women to work
with, rather than fight against, their bodies' desire for pleasure in
order to lose weight.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But how do you learn to work with your body? First, understand
the chain reaction that leads to that irresistible buzz of bliss. It
starts when you encounter or think about something that sparks
anticipation. Quickly your brain stem releases a surge of dopamine, a
neurotransmitter that activates the parts of your brain that play a
role in reward and addiction. When they're turned on, you experience
the sensation of wanting--or wanting more of--the pleasurable thing
you're looking at or thinking about, whether it's sex, shopping, or
that box of rasagullas calling to you from the refrigerator. When you
act on your desire, small areas within those brain structures release
intoxicating neurotransmitters, such as enkephalin (an opiate-like
substance) and anandamide (the brain's version of marijuana), to
create the feeling of enjoyment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Things that make you go hmmmm...</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">So whether you're scooping up
spiced </span><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">khajoor</span></i><span style="font-weight: normal;">
cupcakes (yes they do exist!), </span>listening to music, or doing
exercise you enjoy, a remarkably similar process occurs in the brain,
causing you to feel that powerful sensation of enjoyment. To use
pleasure as a weight loss tool: enjoy food more while eating less and
recognize when a non edible source of joy (be it chatting with a
friend or indulging in finger-painting sessions with your little one)
will soothe your soul more than a third glass of Chardonnay or
another helping of that cupcake.
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And while you're at it, forget you ever heard of the concept of
calories. "The deprivation approach to dieting causes stress,
because you beat yourself up when you gain a pound and feel worried
and guilty every time you eat," says Jena la Flamme. "Stress
creates an environment in your body that actually makes it harder to
lose weight." When you're stressed, your body releases hormones
that stimulate your appetite for fatty treats like cookies, cake, and
ice cream. When you indulge in these sweets, your body responds by
producing insulin, a hormone that prompts the storage of calories as
fat, explains Mary Dallman, PhD, professor emerita of physiology at
the University of California, San Francisco, who studies how stress
affects diet and weight. The eating, the stress, the weight gain, all
lead to low self esteem, to sadness. In the end, it's a vicious
cycle.</span></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sheela Krishanaswamy, Bangalore-based nutritionist, says in her work,
she often meets clients who admit that their emotional state affects
their eating habits. “They say they reach out to unhealthy foods
when they are stressed or sad. So it is important to find the root
cause for that stress and sadness. That needs to be tackled first,”
says Krishnaswamy.</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">During her many years of "trying every diet out there,"
Birgitte Philippides, 45, a hair and makeup artist in New York City,
stepped on the scale several times a day and judged herself based on
the number. "It was an instrument of torture that never failed
to make me feel bad about myself," she says. After she started
working with la Flamme nearly a decade ago, she got rid of her scale,
and her restrictive, punitive approach to food. "Over 2 years,
she shaved about 30 pounds (15 kilos) off her 210-pound frame. "I
gauge my weight by how my pants fit, and if I put on a little, I use
that as a cue, not to cut calories but to reduce stress," she
says. "I've learned to be gentle with myself."</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Make food an experience</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Is Birgitte's experience all that different from what each of us has
gone through? Ask Monika Manchanda, a larger-than-life connoisseur of food who runs a
boutique baking business 'Sin-A-Mon' </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">in Bangalore. When it comes to
diets, she's been there, done that. And more. But now she's finally
discovered a mantra that works for her. “Listen to your body, be
aware of what you eat and balance it out. That's what works for me,”
says Manchanda, whose not-so-guilty pleasure is dark chocolate </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“but only with 70 per cent cacao or more”. Manchanda, is unlike you or me, surrounded by sinful creations all
the time (and all of her own making!). Because the USP of her
business are her uniquely Indian twists on universal
favorites--c<i>hikki </i>brownies, <i>badaam</i> milk cupcakes,
spiced <i>khajoor</i> cupcakes, coconut <i>barfi</i> tarts, pista
truffles, delectable r<i>asmalai-</i>g<i>ajar halwa </i><span style="font-style: normal;">c</span>heesecake...so
on and so forth. Which means Manchanda is well versed in the fine art
of plating up delightful, pleasure-inducing food. Yet for her merely
consuming a divinely <i>'desi</i>' cupcake is not a real treat
anymore. “A meal for me, is special because of the people you eat
it with, the ambiance and of course, the food. The entire experience
makes it memorable,” says Manchanda whose comfort foods include
“dal-chawal” or “chicken-curry and paratha”.
</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Come to think of it, eating has always been a sensory art for us
Indians, rather than a mere 'function' to accomplish with the aid of
gleaming cutlery. So why not as Manchanda says, re-learn the old
ways, learn to “experience” food again?</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Awaken your sense of pleasure </b></span>
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Step 1.</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Lay out the following: a square of dark chocolate, a lemon wedge,
a strawberry, a bottle of essential oil (jasmine or peppermint, say),
a rose, a feather, a piece of silk, and a bell.</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Step 2.</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Sit in a chair so the objects are within easy reach, and then tie
a blindfold around your eyes.</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Step 3.</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>One by one, pick up each object and slowly explore it. Taste the
food; sniff the oil or flower; brush the silk against the skin of
your cheek, stomach, and thighs; listen to the sound of the bell.</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Step 4.</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Remove the blindfold and look around you, taking in the sensory
beauty of your surroundings. Try to carry that openness to pleasure
forward into your everyday life.</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A good way to get back in touch with our senses would be to try
'eating meditation', suggests Revathi Ann Jagan, a mom-of-two in
Bangalore. “Eating meditation is about the look and feel and taste
and touch of food as a whole. Take a grape, for instance, look at it,
it's colour, size, shape, unique aroma. Touch it, feel it against
your skin. Taste it, savor that burst of sweet and sharp flavors on
your tongue. This method elevates eating into a whole new experience.
Trust me, you'll never look at food or fruit or anything edible the
same way again,” stresses Jagan, who follows You tube videos for
her eating meditation sessions.
</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Eat what makes you feel good</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">la Flamme says sometimes your favorite treat, eaten mindfully, is
just what the doctor ordered for a quick mood boost. "Sugar and
fat in particular trigger the brain's pleasure circuit," she
says. But a pleasure-based diet doesn't mean gorging on pastries and
chips. "One piece of chocolate cake can make you happy. Two will
give you a stomachache," she says.
</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">By paying attention to how food makes you feel--in the moment, in the
following hour, and even the next day--you can start to use pleasure
as a guide to a healthy diet. You may be shocked to find that the
foods that give you the most pleasure are actually good for you, like
a piece of fresh fish or a cool slice of juicy watermelon.
</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The essence here is that mindful eating leads to better health. That
is why S<span style="font-weight: normal;">heela Krishnaswamy adds:
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“W</span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">hen
we pay attention to what we eat, we tend to enjoy the food better and
feel satisfied much sooner. Also we are more conscious of our
food choices in mindful eating. This is similar to the Yogic
way of eating which our ancestors prescribed–no distractions, no
work, no TV, no computers, but only attention to what’s on our
plate”.</span></span></span><span style="color: #cc0066;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">
</span></span></span></span>
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Slow down, savor every bite</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Something else that weight loss
experts and nutritionists advocate is to slow down while eating.
“When y</span>ou wolf your food, you miss the experience of eating
and the pleasure that goes with it," says la Flamme. Eating
slowly has other benefits too. Ruth Wolever, PhD, director of
research at Duke Integrative Medicine in Durham, NC, did a recent
study where she and her colleagues trained people (who had lost, on
average, 18% of their body weight), to be mindful while eating. The
participants were able to maintain their weight loss for 15 months--a
critical period during which many dieters regain--but they noticed
things they never had before about their food choices. "One
woman realized the cookies she'd always thought she loved didn't
actually taste that good," says Dr. Wolever. "When we eat
quickly, we tend to overeat, not because we're hungry, but because we
don't feel satisfied when we're done." Slowing down allows you
to recognize when your joy in the meal is waning and gives your body
time to send fullness signals to your brain, a process that takes
about 20 minutes. In fact, Mumbai-based celebrity nutritionist,
Rujuta Diwekar, who emphasizes the importance of Yoga, exercise and
eating mindfully in her programs, always exhorts clients to “tune
<b>in </b><span style="font-weight: normal;">to your stomach, it is
your best diet guru”.</span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Think of your body as a separate creature</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"Your body has its own wisdom," says la Flamme. "If
you tap into that, you can make better choices, not only about diet,
but about whether you're hungry for food or for something else, like
love, attention, or rest."</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Find Pleasure in. . .</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Your morning cup of coffee</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
A soft, silky dress</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Warm sunshine on your skin</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Your favorite work of art</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Luscious ripe strawberries</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
The fresh scent of lavender</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
A warm bubble bath</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Laughter shared with best friends</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
The sound of rain hitting the roof</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Rich dark chocolate</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
A soothing massage</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Loving, satisfying sex</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Tune in to your sensuality</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Some people hold on to extra weight because they're scared to look
sexy," says la Flamme. "In order to lose weight, you need
to embrace your femininity and reconnect with your 'erotic
innocence'--the part of you that leans in to sniff a bouquet of
flowers, that lights up at the sight of a sunset, and that relishes
the intimacy of sex." The best part: If you're delighting
yourself with your senses, you're less likely to turn to food for
pleasure.</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Delight in movement</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Exercise is a powerful way to tap into the brain's pleasure circuit,
says John Ratey, MD, the author of Spark: The Revolutionary New
Science of Exercise and the Brain. "Physical activity prompts
the release not just of dopamine and endorphins but also of
norepinephrine and serotonin, two neurotransmitters targeted by
antidepressants," he says. It also increases levels of
endocannabinoids (chemical compounds similar to the active substance
in marijuana and possibly responsible for runner's high) and
brain-derived neurotrophic factor (a type of protein that's low in
depressed people).</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But you don't need to always sweat it out, why not get fitter and
enjoy fabulous food while trying something new. Try a wine tour.
Vineyards in Nashik and around Bangalore offer wine holidays where
you can stay, stretch out in the sun, go for treks, and also soak in
wine-drenched meals. Or sign on for a wellness holiday. Rujuta
Diwekar, for instance, conducts wellness holidays at destinations in
Rishikesh, Goa or Darjeeling, where she offers a mix of local
culture, cuisine, people, group exercises, lectures on food and
nutrition.
</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Surprising Ways to Boost Your Bliss</b></span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Why not create a list of the sensations, tastes, sights, scents, and
sounds that give you a happiness hit. If you work them into your life
on a regular basis, you'll be less likely to reach for unhealthy
foods to make you feel good--and when you're craving a doughnut or a
<i>moong dal halwa</i> cupcake, you'll have plenty of guilt-free,
pleasure-boosting alternatives.
</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Touch</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
"Our skin is a wonderful sensory organ and a powerful source of
pleasure if we choose to use it," says la Flamme. Not
surprisingly, studies of orgasm have found that it triggers an
intense response in the brain's pleasure circuit, but even a soft
caress on the arm can elicit happiness. So focus on the way the wind
or sun feels against your cheek. Do impromptu group hug sessions with
your family. Or take advantage of the pleasure-boosting range of
human touch, whether it's a massage at a spa, a bear hug from a
friend, or sex.</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Taste</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Research shows that the biggest pleasure buzz comes from an unhealthy
combination of sweet and fat, but nutritious foods can be a source of
joy too. "Experiment with a variety of spices and herbs, and try
new vegetables and ethnic recipes with exotic flavors and ingredients
to expand the range of pleasure you get from eating," says la
Flamme.</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sight</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
In a 2011 study, University College London researchers studying brain
activity in people viewing works of art detected signs of pleasure
when participants gazed at pieces they found particularly beautiful.
So visit art galleries to find new styles that you admire, and
surround yourself with home decor that pleases the eye.
</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Aroma</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
The brain circuitry activated by scent overlaps in part with the
pleasure circuit, so long as you perceive what you're smelling as
appealing. So go on, dab your favorite essential oil on your skin.
</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sound</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
Not only does listening to music release dopamine in the brain, but
merely anticipating enjoyable music can spur its release, according
to a 2011 study. Use sites like pandora.com to find new music that
delights you.</span></div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="border-bottom: 1.00pt solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>This feature (basically, I wrote the 'Indian' portions) appeared in Prevention India magazine recently. Want to see the original piece featured in Prevention USA? Click here: </i></span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i> <a href="http://www.prevention.com/weight-loss/weight-loss-tips/pleasurable-weight-loss-program?s=1">http://www.prevention.com/weight-loss/weight-loss-tips/pleasurable-weight-loss-program </a></i></span></i></span></div>
<h2>
</h2>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-49327195758341430062014-05-20T12:14:00.002+05:302014-05-26T20:31:29.400+05:30Marrying off daughters and other stories...<span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Liberation Serif,Times New Roman,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Velu
is a taxi driver my husband and I know well. He has two sons and a
daughter. The good thing is he owns his taxi, he saved up to buy the
car. But it means his life is tough--going on long distance assignments
at a moment's notice, getting by with little sleep (or sleeping in his
vehicle), missing regular meals, being plagued by backache, so on and so
forth. But Velu doesn't mind the hard work. As the sole breadwinner, he
is used to it. Besides, he wants his children to have a good education.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Liberation Serif,Times New Roman,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Rani,
a mother of three, is a cook. Like many domestic help--she works in two
or three places to earn a decent living because her husband is a drunk
and of no help at all. She used to cook for my family too at one point
but not any more. Rani's mainstay was her long-term employer--a family
where she had been the cook for some 10-12 years. Two years ago, this
family decided to sponsor Rani's daughter Anitha, then 15 years old, for
a beautician's course in Bangalore. The beautician's course, from a
very well known training institute cost over a lakh. So the sponsorship
was a godsend. It seemed Anitha would be able to train as a beautician,
get a job, earn a good living... That was the hope. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Liberation Serif,Times New Roman,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Recently,
Velu called us. He needed Rs 10,000 urgently, to pay his childrens'
school fees. “I have to pay it by May 15,” he explained. Since my
husband did not have that much money at his disposal, he gave him about
Rs 4,000. “Pay it back if you are able to,” he told Velu. Could a
government school cost this much in fees, I wondered. Velu explained
that his children go to an English medium, private school. So he is
willing to sacrifice, scrimp and save and occasionally, ask for monetary
help. And who can blame him? </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Liberation Serif,Times New Roman,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">And
what happened to Rani and her daughter? Anitha completed the
beautician's course last year. But just a month later, Rani got the girl
married to a boy in Kanya Kumari. Anitha was not even 18. Aghast, I
asked the mother why. “She could have worked as a beautician and helped you
financially,” I pointed out to Rani (she was still working for me then).
But the mother did not agree. “This was a good proposal, Amma. My
priority is to see her settled,” Rani stressed. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Liberation Serif,Times New Roman,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
incident left me unsettled. Rani and her daughter had been given an
opportunity, I felt. Anitha could have risen above the drudgery of a
domestic help's life. At the same time, an unmarried daughter is
something all parents dread, (unmarried sons who are wastrels or drunks
even, are never a problem!). Why is society accepting of
good-for-nothing sons while casting aspersions on employed, but
unmarried girls? I've seen so many of my own female friends and
acquaintances slowly sink into desperation because, despite their
qualifications and talent, their identity is defined first and foremost
by their marital status. So who can blame Rani for what she did?</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Liberation Serif,Times New Roman,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As
for Velu, he managed to pay the school fees. He is a good father, and a
prudent man--he has insurance policies in his childrens' names. His
daughter is in high school now, the sons are younger. In a perfect
world, his daughter will go to college. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Liberation Serif,Times New Roman,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But we don't live in a perfect world, do we? </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Liberation Serif,Times New Roman,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>(This is my latest post from: <a href="http://bangalore.citizenmatters.in/blogs/connected-lives/blog_posts/marrying-off-daughters-and-other-stories">http://bangalore.citizenmatters.in/blogs/connected-lives/blog_posts/marrying-off-daughters-and-other-stories)</a></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Liberation Serif,Times New Roman,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i> </i></span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-49788596453332778602014-05-14T10:32:00.001+05:302014-05-14T10:33:39.250+05:30True Grit--how some people overcome tragedy and stil remain thankful for what they have<style type="text/css">P { margin-bottom: 0.21cm; direction: ltr; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-align: left; }P.western { font-family: "Liberation Serif",serif; font-size: 12pt; }P.cjk { font-family: "Arial"; font-size: 12pt; }P.ctl { font-family: "Lohit Hindi"; font-size: 12pt; }A:link { text-decoration: underline; }A.western:link { }A.cjk:link { }A.ctl:link { font-family: "Times New Roman"; }</style>
<br />
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US"><b>The
way to get through tough times?</b></span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US"><b>Start
with advanced gratitude.</b></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">When
Sunil Jain sang “</span></span><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US"><i>kisi
ki muskurahaton pe ho nisaar”</i></span></span><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">
(to sacrifice everything for a smile) at a 'Bathroom Singers' Musical
event titled 'From Mug to Mike' in Bengaluru recently, it could so
easily have been his ode to life and all things bittersweet. Singing
is a passion for Jain, who hopes to get into playback singing next
and even try scuba diving soon. So what's the big deal, really? Jain
also happens to be wheelchair-bound. His disability, he says, has
actually led him to discover his own special abilities so it is
something he has always been grateful for. “After doing my
chartered accountancy (CA), all the places I applied to rejected me,
saying the job would be too physically challenging,” he recalls. So
Jain started his own accountancy firm. Now he has seven people
working at his firm. </span></span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Jain,
you see, is one of those people who believes that we must embrace
whatever life throws at you and convert them into opportunities. And
in that, he is very like American editorial cartoonist Marshall
Ramsey. When Ramsey put together a list of things he was grateful
for, his two Pulitzer Prize nominations didn't make the cut. So what
did? His first job after college as a high school janitor; the
recession that forced him into part-time work; a melanoma diagnosis;
all the people who didn't believe in him. Every one of those terrible
twists, he explains, was responsible for a blessing. That job led him
to his future wife, the daughter of a fellow janitor; getting laid
off gave him the time to launch a second career in book illustration
and radio; and his cancer diagnosis spurred him to help save hundreds
of lives by organizing a series of runs to raise melanoma awareness. </span></span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">In
Jain's case, being stricken with polio when he was a mere 18 months
old, led him to harness his ability to open up to experiences and
live joyfully. “Life and people, I accept both, imperfections
intact, whole and complete,” he stresses. </span></span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Jain
and Ramsey, are prime examples of what might be called advanced
gratitude: the ability to identify and appreciate the bad events or
circumstances in your life because of what you've gained from them.
Studies have found that gratitude is a prevailing, if
counterintuitive, emotion among people who have been through trauma
or among breast cancer survivors, people with spinal cord injuries,
even, post-9/11 Americans.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Anjali
Chhabria, psychiatrist, psychotherapist and founder of Mindtemple in
Mumbai, points out: “Being thankful and appreciating others and
our surroundings helps us cope with life situations because we don't
fall into a self-pity zone. And it also stops us from blaming others/
external factors for problems in our lives. Gratitude also reduces
greed and expectation which are two most common factors leading to
stress, disappointment and negative emotions”.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Clearly,
you don't become grateful for difficulties overnight (and rarely in
the throes), but once you do, you're privy to some amazing alchemy
that will allow you to heal what hurts and see the victory that's
often at the center of every seeming defeat. It also boosts what one
leading expert calls your psychological immune system, and it may
even physically alter your brain so that gratitude isn't just
something you feel occasionally but guides how you approach life. </span></span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">And
it starts with making a habit of appreciating what you have, what
you've lost, and what your life would be like if fate hadn't nudged
you this way or that. </span></span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Here
are three steps to work your way into advanced gratitude.</span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">1.
ESTABLISH A GRATITUDE BASELINE</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Before
you achieve advanced gratitude, get in the habit of being thankful
for your good fortune. "If we train ourselves to look for the
gifts when life is going well, it will be easier to spot them during
the rough times," says Robert Emmons, PhD, director of the
Emmons Laboratory at the University of California, Davis, and
arguably, the leading gratitude researcher in the US. Dr Chhabria
explains that by learning to be grateful more, you can change the way
you approach any situation. “It is a way of removing your
emotional, mental biases, blocks, presumptions, assumptions,” she
says. </span></span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Numerous
studies have found that people who keep journals or make lists of
what they're thankful for are happier, more optimistic, more
energetic, and nicer to other people than those who don't. Their
physical health blossoms, too. That is something Prabha Chandra,
Prevention columnist, psychiatrist at NIMHANS, Bengaluru and her
colleagues at the Positive Psychology Group, Center for Well-Being,
NIMHANS, have also found. “Keeping a journal of positive
experiences, writing a letter of gratitude, etc are among methods
used in well-being therapy to enhance positivity and balance it
against unavoidable negative experiences,” says Dr Chandra. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Dr
Emmons found that people who created weekly gratitude lists exercised
90 minutes more, on average, than a control group who tracked their
hassles. And grateful people had less pain, slept an hour longer, and
woke up feeling more refreshed, according to other research. Dr
Chhabria agrees. “Meditation and yoga can definitely help you relax
and reduce stress levels. But to be thankful, you must start with
conscious awareness. Begin your day by being thankful to each and
everyone around you who will make a difference in your day.” </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">But
don't overdo it. Counting your blessings via journaling just three
times a week can help you build a strong, positive attitude, but
doing it any more than that can backfire, according to studies by
University of California, Riverside, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky,
PhD. "You adapt to it so it's no longer as effective," she
says. </span></span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;">2.
</span><span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">RETRAIN
YOUR OWN BRAIN</span></span></div>
<div class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">What
matters is how you process events, emotions and experiences. In fact,
tying thoughts of gratitude to the stressful events in your life may
even change your neural pathways. A long-accepted concept in
neuropsychology is that "neurons that fire together wire
together." So when your stress neurons fire, make your gratitude
</span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">neurons
do so, too; this helps the two types connect with each other so that
when stress hits, it will be easier for you to find something to be
grateful for. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Gratitude
can counteract the many damaging effects of stress on the body, even
improving heart health, found one study published this year in the
journal Psychological Science. Research at the University of North
Carolina at Chapel Hill found that people who regularly practiced
loving-kindness meditation, which promotes love and compassion toward
oneself and others, improved in one measure of heart health--better
tone in their vagus nerve, which extends from the brain stem to the
gut and regulates heart rate, breathing, and the relaxation response.</span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">While
these studies are generating intense interest in the West now, it has
been intrinsic knowledge in India with its strong tradition of yoga
and meditation. A 2008 study at the Integral Health Clinic of the All
India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS) New Delhi, underlined
that fact. The study published in the Indian Journal of Physiology
and Pharmacology, showed that the daily practice of 'asanas',
'pranayama', other breathing techniques, relaxation techniques
('shavasana' and meditation), along with a healthy lifestyle, left
the study participants (77 men and women ranging in age from 19 to 76
years), experiencing increased subjective wellbeing. They felt “more
interest in their lives, perceived it as functioning smoothly and
joyfully”, they reported better crisis-handling skills, their
physical health improved. They were happier and felt a sense of
oneness with their surroundings. Consequently, they were more
grateful for the happiness and good things in their lives, the study
notes. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Of
course, to create any lasting changes in the brain--the kinds that
will make thankfulness your default emotion, protect you from the
ravages of stress, and increase your resilience--you need to hammer
it home by practicing gratitude not only frequently but with
considerable emotional intensity. “Don't just be thankful for that
beautiful sunset,” says neuropsychologist Rick Hanson, PhD, the
author of Hardwiring Happiness and Buddha's Brain. "Sit with it
for 20 seconds straight, be open to the feelings in your body when
you see it. Feel the positive emotions related to gratitude that come
up--the feeling of being glad that you're alive, grateful for your
connection with other people, your sense of awe. To build up neural
encoding, it really helps to feel the emotion in your body--and even
allow it to become intense." Dr Chhabria adds: “Only when you
consciously think about things you should be thankful about, will you
slowly start appreciating everything and feel content with your
life.”</span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;">3:
REMEMBER THE HARD STUFF</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">On
the other hand, if you have trouble coming up with reasons to be
grateful or even appreciate, what you have now, look at how Mariam
Gonsalves (*name changed), a Mumbaiite, lives her life. On holiday in
Goa, she saw her father and younger sister drown in a freak accident.
She was a teenager then. Gonsalves had to break the news to her
mother (who had not accompanied them on that trip). “I grew up that
day, learnt to drive a car, got a job...my carefree college life was
over.” Gonsalves is today deputy head of a travel agency and,
ironically enough, in the business of arranging happy experiences and
holidays for other people. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">But
she is not bitter or filled with sorrow. She grieves but remembers
her father and sister with love, every day. “I was always a daddy's
girl. Losing him has brought me closer to my mom. Dad was the
breadwinner, now I go out to work. But thanks to him, we have our own
house, there are no loans to pay off,” says Gonsalves. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Imagining
the absence of something good, it turns out, is even more effective
at making us thankful than remembering our own good fortune. It
builds up your resilience muscles, too, so you not only cope well,
but you're also able to find the good no matter how hidden it seems
to be. "Gratitude is an element of resilience in that it helps
us recover from adversity," Dr. Emmons says. It's part of a
person's psychological immune system that helps convert tragedy into
opportunity: "The ability to see the elements of one's life and
even life itself as gifts is essential for this. Suffering can be a
reason for gratefulness in that it shatters our illusions of
self-sufficiency. . .and teaches us what's truly important."</span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Gonsalves
and people like her bounce back after trauma, an ability
psychologists call post-traumatic growth, a positive transformation
that can occur when people go through serious stress, such as a
chronic illness, an injury, or disaster. At the same time, Dr Chandra
and her colleagues at the NIMHANS Positive Psychology Group believe
there is no easy formula to change tragedy into opportunity. “Any
effort to bring about a positive outcome from tragic experiences
should begin by facilitating acknowledgement and acceptance of the
tragic event as well as the ensuing distress. Resilience is not a
capsule that can be applied at the time of tragedy. But it can be
gradually cultivated,” Dr Prabha Chandra emphasizes. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">There
are lessons learned and lives remade better than before.</span></span></div>
<div class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Marshall
Ramsey admits that after his ordeals, he usually threw himself a
"pity party." But over time, he began to notice the
pattern: Whatever he thought of as the worst thing that had ever
happened to him usually turned into something positive.</span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">"After
getting a cancer diagnosis, I came to appreciate life a lot more.
I've given my mortality a big old kiss," he jokes. "Now,
with this gift of hindsight, when something bad happens and I stop
and say, 'What's the good in this?' I've found that sometimes, the
worst moment of your life turns out to be the best. I'm thankful that
I now know that." </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Gonsalves
has periods when she is terribly low, when she wants to rail against
the world for what happened to her family. Then something occurs to
make her see things differently. “Recently, my mother was ill and I
was frantic. I could not focus on work. She is well again and now,
more than ever, I am grateful for our continued good health and
happiness,” adds Gonsalves. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">In
Sunil Jain's case, there is everyday learning. He was married once,
to a fellow CA, who was wheelchair-bound like him. But she passed
away of a massive heart attack. He cherishes their short time
together. “My unique challenges mean that every day, when I venture
outside, I need to think practically--is that building accessible, is
there a lift? If there isn't, I ask for help. Simple. And always
someone is ready to help,” he stresses. The recent amateur
musicians' night in Bengaluru is an example--his fellow participants
lifted him onto the stage so he could sing. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">In
his spare time, Jain works as a transformational speaker and mentor.
And he runs a non governmental organization called Astha in Bengaluru
to help the differently abled explore their full potential. Right
now, he is running a campaign to enable the differently abled to vote
in the coming General Elections. “Never think that a bodily
disability or a bad experience, a bad time, is a constraint,” is
his mantra. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Century Schoolbook L, serif;"><span lang="en-US">Truly,
anything is possible when you embrace all experiences--Jain, Ramsey
and Gonsalves are living proof of that. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>(This is an article I co-authored for the April 2014 issue of Prevention India magazine. I wrote the Indian portions)</i></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2075900130328165196.post-76298667636108427272014-05-09T18:00:00.000+05:302014-05-26T20:33:29.561+05:30The secret illness new moms don't know about<div class="articleLead">
<i><b>(A couple of days ago I read a story in the UK-based Daily Mail about a UK woman suffering from post-partum depression (PPD) who killed her two young babies. She underwent treatment and is now back home with the husband who supported her through the tragedy. That got me thinking--how clued in are we about PPD? Do we even wonder why some new moms feel depressed or suicidal? Do we try to understand what makes a new mom harbour thoughts about harming herself or her baby? I think this is a subject all of us need to be aware about.)</b></i><br />
<br />
<i>This is an article I wrote for The Hindu in 2013<b> </b></i><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
M lives in Hyderabad. After her delivery, she underwent the traditional
40-day confinement. Being restricted to a room with just the baby
affected her. She began to feel suicidal; thoughts of harming both her
baby and herself filled her head. </div>
<div class="body">
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
S is from Delhi. After she had her baby, she experienced severe crying
bouts. Doctors at a premier mental health institute diagnosed her as
having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). But treatment did not help.
She lost interest in her baby, her family and herself. </div>
<div class="body">
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
Neither M or S or their families, understood what was happening to them
post-delivery; that they were actually experiencing some form of
post-partum depression (PPD). </div>
<div class="body">
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
“M somehow got hold of my number. She called me to say she had a very
bad feeling towards her baby,” recalls Dr. Archana Nirula, a Delhi-based
gynaecologist and the India coordinator for Postpartum Support
International (PSI), a voluntary group that supports new moms and
creates awareness on post-partum disorders. </div>
<div class="body">
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
M’s husband was in the U.S. at the time. Dr. Nirula contacted him and
with his help, convinced M’s in-laws to let her, literally, step out of
the confinement room. The in-laws were told they had to help her care
for the newborn. </div>
<div class="body">
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
“S is my cousin’s wife,” says Dr. Nirula. “I told my cousin to
immediately hire help to care for the baby; that he must take S out
often, spend time with her. I impressed upon him that he too must share
the responsibility of looking after the baby,” she explains. </div>
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Counselling, along with medication and family support, helped. Both
women are now healthy, active mothers. Their babies are growing well.
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Baby Ahuti in Mumbai was not so lucky. The three-month-old infant’s
death was plastered across newspapers and television channels in October
2012. The police arrested her mother Dharmishtha Joshi on charges of
battering the infant. The mother allegedly beat her “because she would
not stop crying”, reported the police. Later it emerged that Ahuti’s
twin sister had died just 12 days after birth. </div>
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Was Dharmishtha Joshi suffering from post-partum psychosis (a result of
untreated and prolonged PPD)? What role did the babies’ father, Kalpesh
Joshi, play in this tragedy? “There are many such horror stories across
India,” says Dr. Nirula.
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If a new mother is feeling detached from her baby or unable to nurse or
care for the infant, she finds it impossible to admit that she needs
help. If she is herself not aware of these changes, then her family must
seek help, stresses Dr. Nirula. “In India, families, whether educated
or uneducated, consider this condition a stigma; a shame. Even the
treating medical fraternity link it to a psychiatric problem rather than
a PPD (which is what happened to S),” she points out. </div>
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Nora Kropp, a mother of two, a professional midwife and Bangalore-based
founding member of the Bangalore Birth Network (BBN) concurs. “We have
idealised the state of motherhood to such an extent that a mother is not
supposed to feel anything negative,” she observes. </div>
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Yet, there is enough research, done in India and across the world, to
show that post-partum disorders can harm, if left untreated or
undiagnosed. A 2002 report in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease
said women with severe postpartum psychiatric disorders admitted to an
Indian psychiatric hospital reported infanticidal ideas and behaviour. A
2004 research paper in World Psychiatry also suggests that, in India,
the new mother is at a greater risk of developing severe post-partum
disorders if, she is poor, has experienced antenatal depression, is in a
bad marital relationship, subject to domestic violence, and has given
birth to a female baby. </div>
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In the West, there are support groups such as www.postpartumprogress.com
and active networks such as PSI. There is nothing of the sort in India
though birthing communities such as Birth India and BBN do deal with
post-partum care. Dr. Nirula says that panic calls come to her cell
phone or Delhi clinic. She stresses that gynaecologists/obstetricians
and birth networks across India must set up networks and counselling for
post partum disorders.
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If women like M and S receive the help and support they need, babies like Ahuti will not die.</div>
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<b>PPD vs. the Baby Blues</b>
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PPD is <b>not</b> the Baby Blues. The blues manifest as weepiness,
vulnerability, forgetfulness, and stress after the babies are born. The
blues should be over around two weeks after delivery. If it continues,
even if the symptoms are mild, it is called PPD. </div>
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PPD is one of six post-partum mood disorders affecting women but is the most common. The
primary cause is thought to be the huge hormonal drop in the mother's
body after the baby is delivered. This hormone shift then affects the
neurotransmitters (brain chemicals). </div>
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If the new mom is experiencing loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping at
night when the baby sleeps, hopelessness, poor concentration, anxiety,
anger, deep sadness, low self esteem, overwhelming energy or lack of
energy, she or her family must get help right away. </div>
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Source: Dr. Shoshana Bennett, post-partum expert based in the U.S.</div>
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<b>Helplines</b>
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Dr. Archana Nirula PSI Coordinator, India +91-9810192690 or +91-11-41634773/41634774. Email: sunrayclinic@gmail.com </div>
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The National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS), Bangalore has a perinatal psychiatry clinic: 080-2699 5554 </div>
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Bangalore Birth
Network—http://www.bangalorebirth.org/bangalorebirth@gmail.com
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/bangalorebirthnetwork/ </div>
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Go to http://www.birthindia.org/ and click on the 'Services Directory'
to contact midwives, birthing and lactation specialists in Bangalore,
Delhi, Mumbai, Kochi, Goa, Gujarat, Kerala, Hyderabad, Pune and Chennai.
They help new moms get in touch with counsellors for PPD </div>
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(To read my original article, go to: <a href="http://www.thehindu.com/features/magazine/the-secret-illness/article4269176.ece">http://www.thehindu.com/features/magazine/the-secret-illness/article4269176.ece)</a></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">This post is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ You are welcome to share or re-post any portion provided you acknowledge http://deviousways.blogspot.in/ as the original source. </div>Divya Sreedharanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06774847146928316818noreply@blogger.com0