Friday, 6 December 2013

Friends and lovers

An ex sent me a 'friend' request on Facebook recently. It left me in a quandry.

He and I shared an intense relationship. I was young when I met him--21 or 22. He was ten years older. He was my first 'serious' love. We fell hard for each other. He seemed everything I'd wanted--macho, mature (or so I thought) and of course I was madly in love. I was ready to do anything for him. And I did, actually. I hurt a very dear friend, to go out with this man.

So, having grown up on Mills&Boon romances, I assumed we'd be together forever. My first serious love and lover. How naive I was.

Well, he got engaged. Apparently, his mother threatened to kill herself or do something drastic, if he had persisted in wanting to marry me. Well, that's what he told me. Foolishly, I believed him. We continued to profess undying love for each other. Till he actually got married. And even then, on his honeymoon, he called me, to tell me again, how much he loved me. That he was thinking of me.

How crazy was I, how utterly, stupidly insane? Don't tell me, I cringe thinking of that time, that version of me. What is worse, I didn't spare a thought for his  wife. The woman he married. And was betraying, in this manner.
negliggee
Over the years, I've spotted him very occasionally around town. When you live in the same city, work in the same profession, that is bound to happen. So yes, I smile and say Hi.  And I marvel at myself--is this the man I was so in love with? I cannot believe it, really.

That man sent me a 'friend' request on FB. So easy, to accept. So easy to pretend all is well, we are all blissfully happy people in the virtual world. But no, I cannot, do not want to be 'friends' with him. Doing so will be a negation of his betrayal of me, and his own wife.

Besides, I owe it to myself, my husband, my family; the friend I hurt so badly but who has, since forgiven me, for my despicable behaviour. 

And last, I owe it to his wife.